I have never been the fan girl type of person, but there are people I admire a lot. I admire them enough to think that I would like to be a bit more like them, or achieve the successes they have achieved. Having said that, I have to say that I am quite happy with what I have achieved, and how I have gotten to this point in my life with nothing but hard work. Even though I can’t make a living with my blog, the way Kayla and Molly do (those are the two women I admire the most), I am quite content with the bit of money I do make of it. Let’s just say it pays for Eroticon and hosting every year. I would love to earn more, but I also believe that it’s only possible for a handful of people to do so.
This doesn’t mean I don’t have my dreams, or didn’t have them when I was younger.
When I was in high school, I was quite good with geography, which back in my days didn’t only include knowledge of maps, but also of the meteorology, astronomy and geology. My big dream was to become either a meteorologist or an astronomer. I loved the subjects and saw myself doing research. However, things turned out differently when I fell pregnant at the age of 16, and then my only wish was to be a gymnastics teacher. After my daughter was born I went to university and studied to become a teacher for two years, but had to stop because of a sports injury and therefore not being allowed to continue the study. After this I just gave up studying, and started working in administration, and that’s where I’m still working today. Eight years ago I completed my bachelors, to prove to myself that I can do it, and of course also to be able to use it in my work, which I never did.
Like many other people, I wish I could turn my hobby, my art, into a job. I wish I could make my money from it, enough money to quit my day job. I think it would be wonderful to be busy with my writing every day, to work at my laptop on things that give me energy, things that make me happy. This is my dream, but since I am in a relationship and we discuss big decisions, I know I will never do this, as Master T will not agree to it. He plans for our future, for our pension. He wants to make sure that when we stop working, we don’t have to cut back on too much, but that we have enough money to more or less keep up our current lifestyle. I have managed to cut back from working five days to working only four, and for now that has to do. So maybe what I am saying here is that when I grow up… I want to be my own boss.
I would love to be paid for what I do. To have a couple of regular income streams, doing what I like to do most – writing.
But, I have to admit that there’s something else that I am more and more interested in: photography. I frequently see adverts for a photography study, where you get your diploma and work towards the point where you are a professional photographer. It seems like something I would like to do, but then again, I am not a business woman. I don’t have the mind of a business person, which is probably the reason why I only make snippets of money with my blog and don’t have a regular income stream, and I think this will be the same when I go down the route of being a professional photographer. I will just not know how to get clients, how to maintain clients, how to be all business-like about it. I can manage my blogs like a business, as long as I don’t have to go out and monetize it in some way. I just don’t have it in me to sell myself.
This thought doesn’t make me unhappy though. I am honest when I say that I am actually quite content with things as they currently are. As long as my blog keeps on paying for my hosting and for our once-a-year trip to Eroticon, I am totally happy.
I guess I am pass the time when I wish for things that might not materialize, but am in a phase of my life where I am quite content with what I have, even if it means I cannot cut back to working only three days a week. Maybe. Maybe one day when I grow up… I will work only three days a week, and will have the other four days to write, write, write.
That sounds like bliss!
© Rebel’s Notes