Finding a New Normal

Many times in the last couple of weeks I have mentioned that I want to talk to Master T, and many of you have given me advice in this. Yes, I can discuss absolutely everything with him. All I have to do is to sit down with him, and start talking.

Easy, right?

Only thing is that it wasn’t easy. When someone is in constant pain, their energy is drained throughout the day, and where Master T never was or is grumpy, I know him good enough to know when I can talk to him. That moment just never came. Or rather, it did, but only two weeks after I sent him a long text message.

It was on a night that I had one glass of wine too many, and that gave me the guts to write it. Also because all through the evening I was looking for an opening to talk to him.

This is what I sent:

Okay… since I now have the guts to ask…
I need rules. I really need them… and I know you’re not always up to it, but… I have some suggestions to new rules for the interim, until you are back to ‘full strength’ again… but, what I need is for you not to just say ‘okay’ because I am suggesting things, but to really be into the things I suggest, to stand behind them… otherwise it will make me feel bad, because topping from the bottom is just not my thing and I don’t ever want to feel like I am topping from the bottom…
* New rule number 1:
I don’t ask for permission for orgasms anymore, unless you are with me… what I would like is if you endorse a rule where I can have as many orgasms as I want to but once per month (say the last day of the month) I have to ‘report’ to you how many orgasms I had during the month, and how I had them, whether I used my fingers, or a toy and which toy I used, whether I watched porn or not, which porn I watched, etc.
* New rule number 2:
Wearing a buttplug at least once in a month, and I may decide whether I wear it during the night, or whether I wear it when we go shopping, and at the end of the month I have to ‘report’ when I wore the plug, or I have to inform you about it on the day itself – you decide.
* New rule number 3:
Since I have now stopped wearing panties, I would love for you to add the rule that I have to ask for permission when I want to wear panties, and of course you shouldn’t just say yes, but I would have to have a very good reason to want to wear panties… and you have to be really strict about this.
* New rule number 4:
To have at least ONE solo photoshoot per month… the way it is now I keep on postponing it and only do it when I have time. But I would love if this becomes a rule, because then it will be something that helps to develop my creative side, and which will benefit my website too.
* New rule number 5:
Using the cane once a month – at least three strikes. Either you use it on me, or I have to use it on myself (I’m sure that’s possible in some or other way). If you use it on me, obviously you are there to see what happens, but when I do it to myself, I have to ‘report’ that to you at the same time I report to you about my orgasms or the buttplug.
Not a new rule, but something I would really like: to be spanked frequently. There is someone who is willing to do that. Not every week of course, but every second or third month is an option. I would love if you would agree to this, to feed my submissive side. Something I desperately need.
Please don’t hate me for asking this when knowing D/s is the furthest from your mind, but I need to feel your control in some kind of way, and I do because you put the sleep collar on me at night, but I need a bit more and the above seems like the way in which I can ‘get what I want’ and not burden you too much…
As said in the beginning, it took two weeks before we talked about it, on the same evening I booked my trip to London. Master T was open an ‘approachable’ and I reminded him of my message.

finding a new normal after loss“I don’t understand why you sent me a message. Why didn’t you just come to talk to me?”

I explained and he understood. Silenced me, but allowed me to talk when I said I really need to say it out loud. I’m 52 and I want to experience so much more, but know he’s not up to it. Still, I need ‘things’.

He understood and said to give him a bit more time to think about it. I think it was three or four days later that he told me his decision. Of the six things above, four of them were a ‘yes’, and two a ‘no’. And the four that have been answered with a ‘yes’ all start today.

The first step has been set… now to carefully take some more…

We will find a ‘new’ normal. Something that makes both of us happy, and feed my submissive nature.

© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday

12 thoughts on “Finding a New Normal

  1. Like Brigit, I’m interested to know more of what happened but I know you will tell us when/if you’re ready. I’m really happy to hear though that you had some communication about this stuff.

  2. Wonderful! It’s so important, as you know, to communicate your needs. I’m so happy for you. It has to be hard right now and I can understand your need to have those rules in place to not lose yourself. <3

  3. It’s good you were able to write it all out! I’m sure he would’ve been receptive to a verbal conversation (obviously), but writing had to really help give you clarity on what you wanted. I tend to get a little tongue tied when it comes to say what I want so I have done the writing out of my thoughts too

  4. This is great news Marie. I know this is something you have been wanting for a long time and well done in finding the best way to articulate your needs to Master T. I look forward to reading more as you settle into the new rules.

  5. I just want to say I love your body. I love the mature fullnes of it!

    That’s whay I capture the photos you post — I hope don’t mid? I will delete them if ask.

    Love your writing, although some of what your into I might not partisapate in.

    Take Care, and I look foward the the your next instalment!

  6. Bravissima! I am so happy you finally talked to him. Everyone deserves to have their needs met – and even some of their wants. 🙂 I do hope this is a shiny new beginning to a new, satisfying, normal.

    Xoxo

  7. Oh, yay! I’m so happy you have found some new rules to agree upon and that you will both be able to fulfill the roles that you need. I’d be interested to know what he said no to and why (though not my business).

    It took some guts to come to him with these considerations.

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