More Mindful Masturbation

Continued from… Ten Days of Minding Masturbation

Day 11: I returned to work on Thursday morning and immediately when I walked in I sensed that something happened the day before. I heard more about it later, and where it had nothing to do with me at all, the mood in the office was tense, and by the time I returned home, all I wanted to do was relax. But when bedtime came around, I wanted an orgasm too. I searched for some porn, started watching it and then reached for my Womanizer…

Day 12: It’s something I should stop doing: going to bed in the early hours of the morning. Once again, like also happened in the first ten days, I thought about an orgasm, briefly ran my hands over my soft bits, felt the tingling in my clitoris, and then, pushing my legs together, I turned over and went to sleep.

Day 13: Tonight I touched myself. I lay back against my pillow, closed my eyes and rolled my labia between my fingers, feeling their softness, feeling the tingles they caused, and the desire to be touched. To be touched. Not to touch myself. I was in a bit of a sad mood, really missing Master T’s touch, and being in bed alone just intensified that feeling. I pushed the thoughts away as well as I could, and ran my finger over my clitoris, pushing my clitoral hood piercing aside. My clit was filled with electricity which seems to travel up my spine and down my legs, but after rubbing and circling for some time, I realized the electricity was just not strong enough. The touch was good, but not the touch I wanted, and my mind, despite trying not to think about it, was not in a good place. No orgasm. I should have used my loveplug today.

Day 14: Today was more or less a repeat of the 13th, with the exception that I stopped touching me much quicker. I was just not in the mood. Yes, I enjoyed my own touch, and I love the feelings running through my body when I do, but it’s just not… it. I don’t want this challenge to feel like a task. I want to enjoy it. That’s why I try to stay conscious of it at all times, but I don’t want to ‘force’ anything.

Day 15: No touching at all. We were watching the news, watching the Notre Dame burn, and halfway through the evening I asked Master T if we could watch something different. We watched Netflix for about an hour, and then went to bed. In bed the news came up on television again, and we watched as the beautiful cathedral burnt. The unrest I felt downstairs intensified and I knew I should stop watching. I did, and every time that night when I woke up, I wondered if the fire was out yet. I thought about masturbating, but it just didn’t feel right.

Day 16: I touched myself, enjoying the sensations, and even came very close to an orgasm, but just as happened on other days during this month, the sensations were just not enough to make my orgasm happen. Still, when I stopped touching myself and turned on my side to go to sleep, I was content.

Day 17: So this night when I went to bed, I decided that an orgasm was going to happen. No matter how, no matter what… I wanted an orgasm. And I did. Yes, I used the Womanizer again and yes, I watched porn. I tried to hold my orgasm as long as possible, but it happened about three-quarters of the way into the clip, which I totally lost interest for once I had my orgasm…

Day 18: I went to bed and thought about having an orgasm, but then decided ‘no’. No touching, only sleep.

Day 19: Too tired. This was the second night that I was fast asleep before Master T came to bed. Yes, once again I thought about having an orgasm, but the tiredness won.

Day 20 – 22: It’s the evening of the 22nd when I write this, and I am combining these three days, because on the 20th and the 21st I didn’t have any orgasms, and I have no idea whether I will have one tonight. I might, but I also might not. I am not really in the mood, but just like I did on the 20th, I might touch myself, will enjoy it and then will probably turn over to go to sleep, because in the back of my mind there will be this pressing thought that I have to work tomorrow. I am more conscious of my orgasms than I was before, and I will have to be more conscious of them in future as Master T and I had a talk this afternoon and he has agreed to some of my suggestions (more to follow on this).
Note added on 23 April: I actually masturbated, and had an orgasm… using my fingers!

Day 23: I was in bed close to midnight and panicked a bit, because I had to work the next day, so I just turned over and went to sleep, even though I briefly considered touching myself.

Day 24: More or less the same situation as the previous day.

Day 25 – part 1: I was in bed close to midnight again, but since I didn’t have to work the next day, this time I decided it was time for an orgasm again. Not only decided it; I wanted it. My trusted Womanizer and some ‘medical exam’ porn and soon a very satisfying orgasm ripped through my body. About ten minutes later Master T came to bed, and the first thing he said was: “So you are going to London tomorrow…”

And that’s where things changed…

To be continued… Concluding April’s Masturbation

© Rebel’s Notes

7 thoughts on “More Mindful Masturbation

  1. This IS interesting. I like the idea of a log like this. I did a lot of masturbating during April for the challenge but did not track it much. Thanks for sharing a glimpse into your world, and I’m with the others, can’t wait to hear about this cliffhanger!!

  2. I love the idea of a mindful masturbation log. Might have to add this concept to my own journaling. Thank you for sharing!

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