I Hate Bullies!

Back in May 2018 (god has it really been that long?), I left an comment on a post by Kilted Wookie:

I am so sorry this has happened to you and can imagine that it must have touched you deeply. Bulling should NEVER be accepted or seen as even remotely ‘normal’. Bullying in any way is nasty and mean and brutal and can leave deeper marks than many people can imagine. I have more to say about specific parts of your posts, but too much to do here in the comment section. I will write a post of my own…

Bullying…

I have an intense hate for it. Serious, serious hate and when I read or hear about someone having been or being bullied, red flags appear. If I start talking, start sharing my views on this I will come across as angry, agitated, mean, passionate.

My son has PTSD because of bullying. I have seen what it did to him. I still see the 12-year-old he was, coming running from the bus to the front door and the moment it closed behind him, his knees grew weak and sagging down against the door he said: “Why are they always coming after me?”

The despair in his voice broke my heart. So many times he called me to pick him up from school, because he had missed the last bus. He didn’t miss it because he did something wrong; no, he missed it because other boys were pestering him, and he had to hide until they had finally left. Sometimes I got angry at him. I still deeply regret that. I think I was more angry because of the situation, because I felt helpless, because the school promised to help but never did. They stood their and allowed the bullies to laugh at my son, to laugh at his tears of frustration, because he didn’t know how not to get pestered, and didn’t understand what he had done wrong for them to bully him in the first place.

The bullying started when he was 7, maybe 8 years old. Why? Because he was ‘different’. I am talking 23, 24 years ago. Back then they knew so little about autism that no one – not us, not school – recognized the signs. The only thing school recognized was that he was clever. They had him tested. Result: highly intelligent.

It went on for years. I sent him to a different high school than his sister, to get him away from the primary school bullies. It didn’t help. New bullies smelled his fear. Teachers didn’t understand him; didn’t help him despite the school’s slogan being ‘rest, regularity and rules’. I talked to the teachers, god how I talked to the teachers. It never helped.

He was 16 when he stood at the top of the stairs and didn’t dare to go downstairs, didn’t dare to go to school. He was 18 when the diagnosis of autism was given. He was 20 when the anger attacks started. Slamming his door. Hitting his desk. Screaming. Pounding the wall. Slapping his head. Hitting his fist against the wall and once even breaking his little finger, leaving him in plaster for six weeks.

He was 26 when he had a psychosis. Just a week before that he threatened me with a knife. During the psychosis he smashed his fist through a window. I wanted to call the police but didn’t. Promised myself I would if it happened again.

He ignored us for three full weeks. It was in this time I fell and hurt my foot, and the physiotherapist told me that things like this can happen when you are mentally challenged. It made me cry, and blurt out what stress I was under because of my son. Stress that had been going on for years.

Intelligent as he was, and despite the psychosis and his own breakdown, my son searched for help. That’s when we learned about the PTSD, and a possibility of schizophrenia.

We are 5 years down the line and I am extremely proud of how far he has come. I had always told him he would be okay. Always feared the knowledge that he had been having suicidal thoughts since his teenage years. Always believed that feeding him with positive thoughts would ‘save’ him. Even though I sometimes didn’t believe the things I said.

As said, we are five years down the line…

I have my son back. He smiles again. Jokes again. Laughs again. Is happy. Most of the time. He still has his moments, but no anger fits anymore. After years if intensive therapy, he’s finally to the point where he is ready to leave home. He turns 31 in August.

Bullying has derailed my son’s life. Had it been ‘only’ autism, he would not have had the suicidal thoughts and might not even have been psychotic. He might have completed his teachers’ study and not have given it up because of a teacher who has told him in high school that the bullying was all his own doing became his internship supervisor in the second year of the study and it shocked him so much that once again, his life came to a standstill. This was in the lead-up to the psychosis.

Bullying is terrible.

Bullying is wrong.

Bullying destroys lives.

I will always, always be an advocate against bullying. If teasing starts to look like bullying, I speak up. I always will. I can’t stop it, because a blind spot appears in front of my eyes and my mouth just starts moving… words pour out. I will always fight against bullying because I have seen the effects of it… felt the effects.

It’s never only the one who is bullied who’s affected… close relations are too. It has cost me years of my life… years of stress and many, many tears.

Don’t ever bully anyone…

Source image
© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday
Sex Bloggers for Mental Health badge

20 thoughts on “I Hate Bullies!

  1. My gosh. What a terrible terrible thing you all had to deal with. It astonishes me how terrible kids can be given the chance and how much of that damages the kids they bull. Adults are no better honestly. Hugs to you for going through this and still being the amazing woman you are

  2. When you first published this I put it to one side to read later, I knew it was going to be tough and I was right.

    I was bullied at school, I don’t know why, not really. Not that it should matter why. But, as you know, it was while I was an adult I suffered the worst form of bullying. I was told I had PTSD but I didn’t believe them, it’s just bullying and it’s not as if I’d seen active duty whilst in the military. I was wrong and it’s only been in the past month or so I’ve finally understood how I’d been affected. I now understand I may never fully recover.

    I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this. I honestly don’t have any words of comfort, my own tears are flowing right now, but I will give you a big hug when I see you again.

    1. I am sorry that I have made you cry, Bee, but please, please take care of yourself. Get the help you need to treat the after effects of the bullying. Love you xox

  3. Yes, and that’s the worry. My grandson is very bright and does well in school. But he lacks street smarts (as well as the cyberworld) and can be easily taken advantage of, and has several times already. I wish I knew what the answer is.

  4. I think this is one of the worst experiences for a parent. I think I am safe to say that most ppl can relate to or have experienced so form of bullying. The way to handle it has changed from when I was little.
    I was bullied in 7th-8th grade by some mean girls (one who was my bestie). I was teased for still being a virgin. My house was pranked called non-stop every night. They wrote “lesbo” on my locker. I was taunted in the classroom. Finally, my grandfather and father taught me how to fight. I was pushed to that point and my grandfather told me to punch her in the face. keep hitting until one of us went down. long story short I won. He told me “you stood your ground and tomorrow everyone will be your friend.” He was right.
    Nowadays, schools have zero tolerance for violence. I wouldn’t even know how to handle it in the present. Imagine bringing up a child when the bullying is done in cyberspace. That scares me and i fear for my grandson who has “blue” hair, paints his fingernails and has his ears pierced. I fear for him and it angers me that it seems bullies get away with so much nowadays.
    I am happy that your son is doing well now. I admire your conviction against bullying and your ability to stand up for your belief and for sharing this part of your life with us.

  5. I am so sorry this happened to your son. I know there is more understanding for it nowadays, but it sounds like there aren’t many programs that actually combat the issue.

    I was bullied from age 9 to 12, and it still bothers me to this day. My mom told me to ‘be above it’ (if that’s an English expression :p) and of course that didn’t help. I’m only glad there weren’t any social media yet.

    Bullying should be stopped, of course, but I have no idea how.

  6. Bullies are so sneaky and hard to catch in schools, especially with new technology and social media that takes it outside of schools. It is a pervasive problem that is difficult to resolve. I think it starts with helping children see the value in humanity. But not all of them are capable of that, for a variety of reasons. I wish we had a better way to fix it. Kids can be so mean.

  7. I was bullied from the age of 8 to about 12 and it was for the familiar reason of being different. It took me that long to learn to cope with it and reduce it’s effects. And there are life long effects.

    That your son is responding well and returned to you is great news. To see him able to contemplate being part of the wider world must be amazing after all the struggles.

    Best wishes x

  8. Such a moving and heart-wrenching post. I do so feel for you, and all of your family.
    It is always upsetting to hear of such circumstances when we should all be able to accept and respect and care for others without such horrid feelings and behaviour.
    I wish you both all the best for continued strength and growth towards a better future.
    Xxx – K

  9. I feel for you and your son. The damage done by bullying is horrendous. I still bear the after effects of bullying now 30 years after my experiences of it, and it was only during therapy that I really came to see how much it was still affecting me all these years later. I’m so glad that your son is doing better now. I share your anger with bullies and bullying, and I applaud every word of this post 👏👏👏

  10. Oh Marie
    This blog posts boils my blood on so many levels.
    It is a spiteful way to behave to anybody , at any age. Children are vile to each other. The damage caused is unforgivable.

    Hugs to all of you

    Swirly 🌻x

  11. I read the comment you left on KW post yesterday! what a coincidence.
    Bullying is sick and wrong. I am so sorry your son suffered so. I moved my daughters school because she was being bullied.
    I myself suffered from a year of intense bullying when I was 17. It hammered at my self esteem.
    We all know there are many ways to bully. And often the bullies have so many problems of their own, which is why they start. More should be done with the young to stop a person from becoming a bully, and also to recognise that they actually are bullying –
    one of the girls who bullied my daughter contacted her on FB recently apologising. She explained she didn’t realise what she was doing. Swept along by a peer group.
    Such an emotive topic…
    xx

  12. I’m so sorry you and your son had to endure this Marie, from the shithead bullies themselves and the establishment who did nothing. All too often schools doing nothing or not as much as they should. Bullies are sadistic and I just hope they got the tearing down a few pegs they deserved x

  13. A strong and personal message. You are absolutely right. It shouldn’t be something that someone has to live with just because they are different. We are all unique and that should be celebrated and respected from everyone.

  14. I really feel for you and for your son having to endure such treatment. I share your anger and frustration at the way he was treated and these sorts of stories make me feel uncomfortable to be part of an education system which fails to protect the vulnerable. I would say in all honesty that I believe things have changed, certainly in my school, and would argue that I would support those in my caseload with incidents of bullying, but I know it still goes in. We have a zero tolerance policy towards it but that doesn’t mean there is no bullying and we would by lying if we said it did. I totally agree with you that bullying is wrong and should not be tolerated as it so often is by those who stand by passively. I am so pleased to hear that your son is making good progress and finally getting the support he needs. Thank you for speaking out against such a horrid issue which is so often not talked about. ❤️

  15. My grandson is Autistic (and possibly schizophrenic, as his birth father is too). He has been bullied since he was 6. He is now 17 and will starting his senior year of school. There have been so many ups and downs with him. He is doing well now. For now. Bullying seems to be getting worse. It’s heartbreaking.

    1. I know exactly what you mean… doing well ‘for now’. Even though my son is in a much better place now than he was for years, we are always aware that another (mini) meltdown might follow. Bullying because someone is different is a terrible thing, and sometimes, no matter how much schools WANT to help, they can’t. Especially in this online time we live in…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this:

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this. Please also ready the Privacy Policy

Close