On the first of April — no joke — Tabitha’s #30DayOrgasmChallenge started again, and when I saw her tweeting about it in March, I knew I would join. In the past months my orgasms have drifted farther and farther away from me simply because I just never seemed to be in the mood to get to an orgasm. I have written about it before, how my orgasms seem to be less important, the less sex we have. My one goal for April was to get back in touch with my body again, literally and figuratively.
The journey started on the first…
Day 1: I went up to the bedroom, pushed my tights to my ankles and, leaving my boots on, lay down on the bed, my legs spread. I glanced at the clock and decided that the next 10 minutes would be mine. It was about being in the moment, about touching myself. No toys, and an orgasm wasn’t necessary. I just wanted to feel. Twice I stopped touching myself because the feeling got too intense, and the third time I just went on, and came very close to an orgasm, but not quite. I was surprised to see that instead of 10 minutes, I was busy for 17.
Day 2: Today I had an orgasm, but it was of a totally different kind than those where I slowly stroke myself, feel every touch, the sensation building towards a release. This was a release of a different kind, as I have finally; finally spoken to Master T and it was brilliant and good and necessary and just… orgasmic!
And of course, a blog post will follow!
Day 3: I didn’t have time during the day or evening to go upstairs and indulge on some masturbation, but when we went to bed, I slipped my hand inside my pants, closed my eyes and just touched. I wanted to feel my fingers work my flesh, wanted to arouse myself. It worked, but then I wanted to climax. Desperately wanted to climax. I reached for the Womanizer, and… as they say… the rest was history!
Day 4: I wasn’t going to use any toys during this challenge, or rather, my plan was to ALWAYS start with my fingers and if necessary, like the day before, I would use a toy. But, here I was tonight, pressured for time (I know, I know, I should’ve made time for myself), and the first thing I did when I got to bed was to grab my Womanizer, start up my favorite porn clip and I was all set. As the toy sucked at my clit, I watched and listened, and told myself to draw this out as long as possible, to see how long I can stay on the edge before I crash into my climax.
I got halfway through the porn clip…
Day 5: The only orgasm I reached was the joy I felt when we were in good company during the evening, and when I got to bed at 2.30am in the morning (and very stressed about the Smut Marathon), I just turned over and went to sleep, and totally forgot about the #30DaysOrgasmChallenge
Day 6: I was SO tired when we finally got to bed, that even though I thought about an orgasm, I just turned over and went to sleep. This is so different from how I normally would be, as years ago with challenges I would have done anything to have an orgasm, despite being tired. I think I am caring for myself a bit better nowadays.
Day 7: Another night where I am so terribly tired, after a far too busy weekend, but I also wanted to touch myself; to masturbate. Not doing it would make it all too easy to find an ‘excuse’ for every night. I rubbed my clit, slowly, thoughtfully, feeling the different sensations. Softer. Harder. Dipped my finger in my wetness. Rubbed my clit again. I don’t know for how long I had been going, but I gave it up after I edged twice, knowing it was just not going to happen.
Day 8: This evening I made sure to go upstairs earlier to put my pajama on, and then, not wanting my orgasm to escape me once again, I used my trusted Womanizer and watched some porn. I thought my orgasm was going to evade me once more, but finally, after too long, release flushed through my body.
Day 9: Shocking! Today I almost forgot to masturbate. I mean, I thought of it, and planned to do it in bed while waiting for Master T to come to bed. Even if it didn’t lead to an orgasm, I wanted to spread my legs, stroke myself and be fully aware of every sensation traveling through my body. I think I was in bed for about ten minutes before I suddenly remembered again. I did what I promised myself to do. I closed my eyes and touched myself, noticing how my clitoris seem to get a tiny bit bigger, noticing how I first grow wetter, and then the wetness seem to get less again (this has been happening lots lately), and I felt the muscles in my legs tighten with the increasing pleasure of touching myself. Not wanting to ‘confront’ Master T with my masturbating, I stopped when I heard him approaching the bedroom door. Even though this didn’t make me orgasm, I was happy with what I did, and how I am reconnecting with my body, paying attention to how it reacts, and not only having those quick wanks when I feel the need for release.
Day 10: Wednesday. My day off from work. A day own which I only got up roundabout ten in the morning, and felt good, happy. Unfortunately the day took a turn, and not for the better. There were tears, anger, frustration, all because of different things. Things that — had they happened days apart — wouldn’t have made me cry, or angry, or frustrated, but since all of them happened within hours from each other, I was unsettled. Today was not a day where I forgot about masturbating. By the time I got to bed (later than I wanted), I was drained. Totally drained; without any energy. I went upstairs to go to bed, fully intending to use a toy to get to my orgasm, but once I was in bed, emotions flooded through me, and all I wanted to do was sleep. That’s what I did. Where I didn’t even touch myself, I still think this totally fits the idea of ‘mindful masturbation’.
I am curious to see how the other twenty days will go, as there seems to be a pattern in the first ten. One thing I am quite clear on already is that something has changed in me, but I want to examine it further before I share my conclusions…
I think my April #30DayOrgasmChallenge has changed into 30 days of #MindfulMasturbation
© Rebel’s Notes