In BDSM, a safeword is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a person to communicate their physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. Some safewords are used to stop the scene outright, while others can communicate a willingness to continue, but at a reduced level of intensity. Safewords are usually agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants, and many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events.
When we started our D/s relationship, safewords were the last thing we talked about. Actually, we talked about very little, as long before we entered this power exchange, we knew each other so well that there were no questions about what either liked or not.
It was only when we started seeing other people for playdates that we addressed the subject of safewords. Being with others was new and since that made me nervous (and excited), I needed some kind of ‘protection’. I found that in making a list of my hard limits, as well as deciding on a safeword.
Master T is an advocate for KISS or Keep It Simple and Stupid. I preferred something I would remember, which is why we chose for the stoplight method. Red to stop a scene (not necessarily permanent), yellow to warn that I am close to a point of reaching my limit and green to say ‘more, more, more!’
This seemed as the easiest method to use.
However, I have never used it.
There was even one time when someone went over my limit (I only discovered the limit when it happened) that I forgot to use my safeword. With Master T I have never used my safeword. I never needed it. Like I said, we know each other so well… HE knows my boundaries so well, that I’ve never needed to use my safeword. I always keep in the back of my mind that using a safeword doesn’t mean everything has to stop, but that it also can be used to adjust something. Something else I keep in mind is that if I ever need to use my safeword, I shouldn’t feel ashamed about it. This is something everyone should remember. It’s never a shame to use your safeword, but only means you’re practicing your kink in a responsible way.
There is a situation looming between Master T and me where my safeword might be needed, though. As you know, our sex life is very, very slow, but in the past months it has happened twice that I wanted him and he told me: “If I come on myself, you will lick it up.”
Just the thought of that makes me nauseous. Never. Never will I lick up come. I don’t mind swallowing it when it’s ‘deposited’ in my mouth, but I will never lick it up. There’s just something about it that grosses me out. So who knows, there might come a time when I do use my safeword.
Now only to remember my safeword in the heat of the moment…
© Rebel’s Notes