Write about a time when you discovered something about your sexuality.
I am very slow to discovering things about my own sexuality. When I look around me, it seems that everyone knew what their preferences were at a much younger age than I knew about mine. This might not be entirely correct, I’m aware of that, as there might be more people – men and women – out there who only began to understand things about themselves later in life.
Thinking about discoveries, two things come to mind: my bisexuality, and my submissive nature.
I was about 10 years old when I first touched the pussy of another girl. The first was a friend who stayed with me for a holiday and the second was a cousin of mine. Both of them were my age, and believe me, I had absolutely NO idea what I was doing. I never questioned what I did either. I knew it was ‘wrong’ and instinctively knew not to talk about it to anyone. It was a good 10 years later before I learned a new term ‘bisexual’. That was when I discovered that I had ‘warm feelings’ for a colleague. She was beautiful and popular and sexy and outgoing and she chose to be my friend. We did some naughty things together, but nothing sex-related.
She was much more knowledgeable then I was, and she was the first one who used the the word ‘bisexual’. Only in passing though, and not because we were exploring anything sexy. I was too shy to tell her that I had feelings for her, and that I would like to be with her in a way the men were she told me about. Our ways part, and I pushed thoughts of her to the background, other than occasionally using it as a wank-fantasy.
Five years later, I came across an advert in the paper of someone who was running a ‘club for bisexual ladies’. I immediately sent a letter (this was just before Internet became a thing), and became a member of the club. This was also the start of a nightmare relationship with a married couple, and by the time I left them and my country to be as far away from them as possible, I swore never to be bisexual ever again.
Ha! I was 28 then and still so fucking naive… it took me well into my thirties to understand that bisexuality is as part of my DNA as being a blond is.
Let’s say I am the kind of person who realize something, look back on my life and then suddenly see where the puzzle pieces had to be fit together.
That’s the way it was with my submissive nature too.
It was only when we discovered that there was an entire BDSM community out there, that I started reading about dominance and submission. By then I was into my forties already. I say we, but I think Master T had more knowledge about it than I had. Reading about D/s made several things click into place. I realized that I am submissive by nature. For me it’s not a choice, but something that comes as natural as breathing. I learned that it’s not weak to be submissive, that I can still be a strong career woman, a woman with an opinion and an own will, even though I am submissive.
In the same time span I learned much more about my sexuality. No, I wasn’t weird that I like to be hurt during sex. It only meant that I have masochistic tendencies. It wasn’t weird that I love to be marked. So many other submissives with me love that too. Wanting to crawl towards him or sit at his feet wasn’t absurd either; no, it was where I needed to be to feed my submissive side. So many things clicked into place, and gradually, up to where I am in life now, I grew into the woman I am now. I blossomed, literally, because I have finally found who I am, and learned that it’s perfect to be who I am, just like it’s perfect for others to be who they are.
Those two discoveries definitely were the biggest, but there’s one other that comes to mind now I am nearing the end of this post: discovering how much I love anal sex. It was only after that first, very unexpected anal fuck that I discovered it. Once I had experience the feeling, I wanted more and more of it. I have called myself an anal slut lots of times on this site, and Master T still occasionally uses it, especially when he has his fingers buried deep inside me and I am begging him to add more!
Sometimes I wish I had discovered these things about myself when I was younger, but then I know it’s good that I didn’t, as I might not have been ready to accept myself and embrace my sexuality the way I do now.
© Rebel’s Notes