Hear My Confession

Write a sexual confession to your partner, yourself, or someone else.

That sounds like such an easy thing to do, but I have been sitting here, staring at that one line for ages, and I can’t think of any confession I want to write. I keep asking myself… What should I confess to Master T that he doesn’t already know? What should I confess to myself that I don’t already know? Who else would I ever confess something sexual to?

The answer to the last question is the easiest: no one.

One confession to myself might be that the longer we don’t have sex, the less problems I have with it, but that might not be entirely true. Mostly I don’t have problems with it, but there are days when I have really dark and awful thoughts. My brain tries to lie to me, telling me that Master T doesn’t love me anymore, and that’s why he’s not even making an effort to touch me. But I know that is not true. Thank god I know that is not true. I know it’s only because I might have a low day, or a low moment, and that deep down the desire is still there.

This is the kind of confession I will make to Master T too. He knows this about me, knows that I start doubting myself, and in the past many times he had to assure me that what I think is not true. That he loves me more than anything else in the world. He knows how insecure I can feel, and he wants to take that away, but he’s not always capable. Partly that’s because I myself have to come to the conclusion that my thoughts are untrue, and partly because he just doesn’t have the energy.

Right there is a confession I should make: sometimes I really feel the irritation that Master T doesn’t have the energy for anything sexy. Those moments are gone in split seconds, and then I feel guilty because I know if he could, he would. I have come to understand that this is a logic reaction on my part because our life is so much different than it was.

But this post is supposed to be about sexual confessions…

… should I confess that I have been thinking to find someone who would frequently spank me? That won’t be a confession though, as I have spoken to Master T about this.

… should I confess that I feel like I don’t want to have so little sex for the rest of my life. I have many years ahead and me (hopefully) and something has to change. I don’t know how though. This is something else I have spoken to Master T about.

… I can confess that the less sex I have, and because of the quick and functional orgasms I have using toys, probably is the reason why my orgasms elude me when I masturbate using only my fingers. This is something I haven’t shared with Master T yet.

If I sit here longer and think really hard, I might come up with something else, but like I have said, there ate little confessions to make. Sometimes it might take some time to tell Master T something because I am forever waiting for the ‘right moment’, mostly only frustrating myself with my own hesitation.

I am happy that I am in a relationship where I don’t have to keep any secrets and have a husband who, when I ‘confess’ something to him, he says: “I know.”

He sometimes knows me better than I know myself.

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© Rebel’s Notes

3 thoughts on “Hear My Confession

  1. This is an achingly beautiful post and I can feel your pain as well as your joy in your relationship, your anticipation of change as well as your underlying optimism. I think of you during this dry season… and I hope that spring comes for you both. Soon.

  2. I like the way that you have responded to the prompt and have listed the things in the style of a confession, even though they are things which you have already acknowledged. I think that the openness of D/s means that most of our skeletons are out of the cupboard form early on and therefore, most have already been acknowledged. I know that there are some things that I find hard to articulate, and can avoid trying to put into words because I feel awkward about how they might come across, but i am not sure I would be ready to write them down. missy x

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