Calming Rules

an image saying 'rules'Rules…

I used to have them.

No, that’s not entirely true… I still have them, but they are not enforced anymore in the same way they were before. Except for one of them. Occasionally.

My rules used to be:

I have to:

  • shave my pussy every day.
  • always ask permission to orgasm.
  • wear my day collar every day.
  • sleep with a collar every night.
  • share all communications with Master T.

I am not allowed to:

  • meet anyone without permission from Master T.
  • wear any underwear on Sundays.
  • cross my legs.

This has been copied from the main page of our D/s journey and it made me realize two things:

  • I need to update the page (I think it hasn’t been updated for 5 years)
  • I am actually still following more rules than I thought.

I don’t shave my pussy anymore but do go for a waxing every four weeks. Master T is perfectly okay with this. I do still wear my day collar and sleep with my night collar almost every night. Nights I don’t are those when I go to bed long before him. I never put my night collar on myself; he always does. The rule of not wearing underwear on Sundays had stopped when I stopped wearing panties. When I started wearing them again, I wore panties every day, but nowadays I am back to not wearing them at all.

Two rules which are only occasionally endorsed are having to ask for orgasms and not crossing my legs. Sometimes with the latter, I deliberately cross my legs to challenge Master T. This is not the kind of sub I am, to challenge my Dom, but I am honest when I say I love getting a reaction from him; when he tells me to uncross my legs. It shows me his dominance is not gone. I know it’s not, but sometimes a girl just needs confirmation.

Asking permission to orgasm is something that now only happens on the handful of moments that we have sex. Months ago, Master T sort of gave me permission to orgasm whenever I want. I would love a change in this rule, as I would like for him to be more ‘involved’ with my orgasms again, without actually being involved. Doesn’t make sense? I promise I will elaborate eventually…

I need rules. Without them I am adrift; I lose my direction; the solid ground under my feet. I have never understood this about myself when I was younger. Sometimes I ask myself whether my first two marriages would have been such disasters had I learned these things about myself when I was younger. I had always been looking for something and only found it once Master T and I made our D/s commitment. The moment I allowed him to set the rules and handed over control to him, my mind was at peace.

With our D/s almost non-existent at this moment, the rules are even more important to me now than they were before. It helps to keep me grounded, even though it sometimes do feel lost. I am thankful for the fact that Master T has kept it up to put my night collar around my neck at bedtime, because had he not, I might have turned into the insecure woman I was in my younger years, where I constantly questioned myself and believed that everything that went wrong was my fault. For the same reason I kept on wearing my day collar, because even though he was (is) physically not able to be my Dom, I want to be his sub and want to show him (and the world) that I am.

Something else I have learned about myself is that I don’t only need rules in my relationship, but also in life. I need them at my work, need them in every aspect of my life. I need the order. Need to know what is expected of me. Yes, I do question some things and sometimes kick against the rules and try to change them (at work for instance), but mainly I just follow them, as it gives me peace of mind.


I live by them.

Source image
© Rebel’s Notes

7 thoughts on “Calming Rules

  1. I feel adrift without rules and structure and boundaries. It why I crave a D/S marriage and why I asked Him for rules. I don’t need many…just a few…to know He is taking charge. And I find them calming, as you do. It definitely has an impact on how I approach the world and our relationship.

  2. Yet again I see many similarities between us in terms of the safety and security that comes from having clear rules to follow. I loved the one about your legs and yes, sometimes a girl does need to know. missy x

  3. I completely understand your need for rules, to know where you stand, even to challenge them once in awhile just to feel that…zing…when he enforces it.

    I have wondered for awhile about the orgasm permission thing. We had that rule, mostly because we have a very part-time physical relationship, but wanted to maintain the D/s dynamic when we weren’t together. Is that not something that could be implemented even if he isn’t active in giving you the orgasm? It seems like that would be something that could connect you two, even when he *isn’t* an active participant.


  4. It’s great to read your thoughts on this. I find rules are something that needs regular evaluation. And as far as challenging a Dom, sometimes its nice to have a reason to lay down the law.

  5. It’s interesting to read the posts on this prompt to see how people’s relationships differ and what works for them.

    Specific rules for structure and affirmation, I understand totally. In the past I would have wished that for myself, given the opportunity.

    melody xx

Share your thoughts...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: