I used to have them.
No, that’s not entirely true… I still have them, but they are not enforced anymore in the same way they were before. Except for one of them. Occasionally.
My rules used to be:
I have to:
- shave my pussy every day.
- always ask permission to orgasm.
- wear my day collar every day.
- sleep with a collar every night.
- share all communications with Master T.
I am not allowed to:
- meet anyone without permission from Master T.
- wear any underwear on Sundays.
- cross my legs.
This has been copied from the main page of our D/s journey and it made me realize two things:
- I need to update the page (I think it hasn’t been updated for 5 years)
- I am actually still following more rules than I thought.
I don’t shave my pussy anymore but do go for a waxing every four weeks. Master T is perfectly okay with this. I do still wear my day collar and sleep with my night collar almost every night. Nights I don’t are those when I go to bed long before him. I never put my night collar on myself; he always does. The rule of not wearing underwear on Sundays had stopped when I stopped wearing panties. When I started wearing them again, I wore panties every day, but nowadays I am back to not wearing them at all.
Two rules which are only occasionally endorsed are having to ask for orgasms and not crossing my legs. Sometimes with the latter, I deliberately cross my legs to challenge Master T. This is not the kind of sub I am, to challenge my Dom, but I am honest when I say I love getting a reaction from him; when he tells me to uncross my legs. It shows me his dominance is not gone. I know it’s not, but sometimes a girl just needs confirmation.
Asking permission to orgasm is something that now only happens on the handful of moments that we have sex. Months ago, Master T sort of gave me permission to orgasm whenever I want. I would love a change in this rule, as I would like for him to be more ‘involved’ with my orgasms again, without actually being involved. Doesn’t make sense? I promise I will elaborate eventually…
I need rules. Without them I am adrift; I lose my direction; the solid ground under my feet. I have never understood this about myself when I was younger. Sometimes I ask myself whether my first two marriages would have been such disasters had I learned these things about myself when I was younger. I had always been looking for something and only found it once Master T and I made our D/s commitment. The moment I allowed him to set the rules and handed over control to him, my mind was at peace.
With our D/s almost non-existent at this moment, the rules are even more important to me now than they were before. It helps to keep me grounded, even though it sometimes do feel lost. I am thankful for the fact that Master T has kept it up to put my night collar around my neck at bedtime, because had he not, I might have turned into the insecure woman I was in my younger years, where I constantly questioned myself and believed that everything that went wrong was my fault. For the same reason I kept on wearing my day collar, because even though he was (is) physically not able to be my Dom, I want to be his sub and want to show him (and the world) that I am.
Something else I have learned about myself is that I don’t only need rules in my relationship, but also in life. I need them at my work, need them in every aspect of my life. I need the order. Need to know what is expected of me. Yes, I do question some things and sometimes kick against the rules and try to change them (at work for instance), but mainly I just follow them, as it gives me peace of mind.
I live by them.
© Rebel’s Notes