Bondage is something we never really got in to. I absolutely love to be tied, to feel the rope hugging my body and keeping me where he wants me. But, Master T is not a rigger. He tried, he really did, but his best rope work looked… well, amateurish. There came a point where he said that it wasn’t his thing at all. That’s the point where we started concentrating on Velcro restraints and bondage tape. That was a lot easier to work with and was just as effective as using rope. Not everyone can be good at tying rope, and even though Master T would have loved to tie beautiful things around my body and make stunning images of it, it wasn’t meant to be.
Some years ago we had several playmates with a couple of which he was a damn good rigger. Having a breast harness or a hip harness (or both) tied around me was bliss. He was the one who introduced me to having my wrists tied with rope and suspended above my head while I was whipped and he was also the one (and the only one to date) who suspended my entire body. Oh gosh, just thinking about that makes me long for it to happen again, but they have disappeared from our lives (their choice, not ours). I really hope for one day to experience this again, but for that we will have to find someone who will be willing to do it.
Where I am claustrophobic, bondage doesn’t make me panic. Maybe it would if I also have a hood over my head, but I will only know when I am in this position. I do know that surrendering my body and mind is sexy as hell. And calming. There is something in surrendering and undergoing anything that is dished out that puts me ins spot where I don’t have to think but can only experience. God, just the thought of this makes me wet.
Even if I am never tied in beautiful harnesses again, I sure hope that I experience bondage again. A moment where I am tied down and subject of someone else’s desires, be it Master T or someone he has given permission for it. I need to feel that total control, the total surrender, the way to subspace.
Because, that is where bondage seems to get me… on the road to subspace. I have huge issues – conscious and unconscious – with giving up control, but when I am bound, I have no choice. I have to surrender. Have to turn off the voices in my head and handle what I am expected to undergo.
Bondage frees my mind.
There is something about being tied down that flips a switch in my mind, making me understand that there is nothing physically I can do to avoid anything being done to me. Of course I can use my safeword to stop things, but why would I? Bondage is what I want. To surrender is what I want. To just be is what bondage offers me; it’s the ultimate goal. It doesn’t matter whether I am restrained by beautiful rope or by bondage tape, as long as I can surrender to whatever happens (read: to be used) it’s what I need; what I crave.
And of course, I hope that one day we will meet someone who is good in rigging, and who will be willing to suspend me in the air again, and preferably use me in any way he desires.
Time will tell…
© Rebel’s Notes