What were you taught about sex as you grew up? What did you not know that you wished you’d known? What/how did you teach yourself? Who taught you the most?
Sex education… this is something that has been absent in my youth. At school the only thing we ever learned was how babies were made, but that was really basic and cause for the girls and boys to giggle when the names of genitals were mentioned. No one took it serious. People, I am talking early 80’s here, and it was way different than it is now, and also in a total different country. It might have been better in Europe, but definitely not in South Africa.
As I am writing this, I really can’t remember at which stage in my life my mom talked to me, and even if she did it. Back in the days I grew up the focus definitely wasn’t on sexual education, and I guess just like my mom had to find out things for herself when she got married, it was expected that I did too. One thing that happened a lot back then were teenage pregnancies, and many of those of course happened because there was no talk about sex. I fell pregnant at 16 and it was only after that we talked about the pill and other ways to prevent pregnancy. I guess my pregnancy woke up my parents; or at least my mom. The only ‘sexual education’ I received from my father was when I had my first serious boyfriend, and my father told me: “Don’t you dare come home pregnant!”
If I look around me now and I see all the information the youngsters have access to, I wish I had it back then. Would I have fallen pregnant at 16 then? Yes, I think I would have, because it wasn’t an accident. It was deliberate. But, if I had access to more information I would have been able to learn more about my own sexuality. I wouldn’t only have discovered the word ‘bisexual’ at he age of 25 and I would have understood my own submissive nature a lot earlier than I did. If I had understood the latter earlier in my life, I wouldn’t have married the wrong men. Men who seemed to be strong but turned out to have no backbone at all. Men who couldn’t handle me. Men who didn’t understand that I am a strong woman, have a will of my own, but am submissive by nature.
I guess all I know about sexuality are things I have taught myself. To be really honest, the most I have learned about myself happened from the moment I started this blog. That is why I love this meme, where it allows myself to think about the journey I had up to now, about what I have learned, what I have done. I also learned things as live happened, like after I had my daughter and during my previous two marriages, being in a relationship with a married couple, what kind of dominance I want, and much more.
One thing I know for sure is that I will never stop learning about myself, but also about others. I am learning about the sexuality of others too, as there are so many terms out there that when I hear them, I have to google to know what it is. Here I am talking about things like cis and queer and non-binary and pan-sexual and so many others. For many years the only terms I knew was heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual.
I am learning something new every day, and I will keep on learning, and spread what I have learned to raise more awareness.
© Rebel’s Notes