Teach Me Sex

What were you taught about sex as you grew up? What did you not know that you wished you’d known? What/how did you teach yourself? Who taught you the most?

Sex education… this is something that has been absent in my youth. At school the only thing we ever learned was how babies were made, but that was really basic and cause for the girls and boys to giggle when the names of genitals were mentioned. No one took it serious. People, I am talking early 80’s here, and it was way different than it is now, and also in a total different country. It might have been better in Europe, but definitely not in South Africa.

As I am writing this, I really can’t remember at which stage in my life my mom talked to me, and even if she did it. Back in the days I grew up the focus definitely wasn’t on sexual education, and I guess just like my mom had to find out things for herself when she got married, it was expected that I did too. One thing that happened a lot back then were teenage pregnancies, and many of those of course happened because there was no talk about sex. I fell pregnant at 16 and it was only after that we talked about the pill and other ways to prevent pregnancy. I guess my pregnancy woke up my parents; or at least my mom. The only ‘sexual education’ I received from my father was when I had my first serious boyfriend, and my father told me: “Don’t you dare come home pregnant!”

If I look around me now and I see all the information the youngsters have access to, I wish I had it back then. Would I have fallen pregnant at 16 then? Yes, I think I would have, because it wasn’t an accident. It was deliberate. But, if I had access to more information I would have been able to learn more about my own sexuality. I wouldn’t only have discovered the word ‘bisexual’ at he age of 25 and I would have understood my own submissive nature a lot earlier than I did. If I had understood the latter earlier in my life, I wouldn’t have married the wrong men. Men who seemed to be strong but turned out to have no backbone at all. Men who couldn’t handle me. Men who didn’t understand that I am a strong woman, have a will of my own, but am submissive by nature.

I guess all I know about sexuality are things I have taught myself. To be really honest, the most I have learned about myself happened from the moment I started this blog. That is why I love this meme, where it allows myself to think about the journey I had up to now, about what I have learned, what I have done. I also learned things as live happened, like after I had my daughter and during my previous two marriages, being in a relationship with a married couple, what kind of dominance I want, and much more.

One thing I know for sure is that I will never stop learning about myself, but also about others. I am learning about the sexuality of others too, as there are so many terms out there that when I hear them, I have to google to know what it is. Here I am talking about things like cis and queer and non-binary and pan-sexual and so many others. For many years the only terms I knew was heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual.

I am learning something new every day, and I will keep on learning, and spread what I have learned to raise more awareness.

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© Rebel’s Notes

6 thoughts on “Teach Me Sex

  1. I wish the weird aversion we had to sex education as kids hadn’t been a thing. I had the added issue of being religious as a kid on top of my mother not really discussing sex. You get shame and confusion so it’s a double whammy.

    You’ve got such a great attitude though. Life long learning, about ourselves and others when it comes to sex. I agree that for me as well blogging has increased my understanding of sex and what I want.

  2. I agree…kids today have access to so much more info, and yet, in schools and at home they are not always directed how best to find or use it or how to make sense of it. I do think there is more sex positivity, and I hope more families are raising their kids to be more aware and open and intelligent about sex.

  3. I agree with you about never stop learning about yourself and sex – it is such an ongoing process and being part of the sex blogging community I feel i have learned so much stuff regarding sexuality etc – it is an education for sure 😉 x

  4. I know what you mean and things have definitely changed, thankfully, from when we were at school. I have been writing my post for the prompt too and one of the things I have also mentioned is the vocabulary to be able to understand and explore things.

  5. Thanks so much for this, it hits close to home for me. I’ve just tried to reach my own children about their sexual options. It’s so much more than procreation!

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