As those who follow my blog and read most of what I write know, nowadays most of my orgasms are solo. This has everything to do with Master T’s health and the constant pain he is in. Pain that tend to consume all his energy, leaving almost nothing for anything else. By the time we go to bed he hardly knows in what position to put his leg to relief some of the intense discomfort. Up to some months ago I hinted at orgasms. Nowadays I just take care of them myself.
I have an idea on how to change that and not to ‘burden’ him in any way, but also to help feed my submissive side. More about that later.
In the past, up to the moment Master T couldn’t do it anymore, my orgasms were controlled by him. I had to ask permission for every orgasm, without exception. Whether he was the one fingering me, or I was testing a toy on my own, permission had to be granted before I was allowed an orgasm.
Sometimes he gave me tasks, like to count the number of orgasms during an afternoon or to have at least ten orgasms before he returned to the bedroom. This last task was especially difficult as that mostly meant ten orgasms on about fifteen minutes while he was in the bathroom before coming to bed. He knew it was a challenge as getting myself to an orgasm always was and still is a lot more difficult than when he does it. Mostly I managed, but there were enough times that I didn’t succeed in the task, which had it’s repercussions.
One thing Master T started to do some years ago and which I love and hate in equal measures, is after-orgasm-torture. I can have a lot of orgasms after each other, but the moment I had one of those orgasms that seems to invade my entire body and which leaves me totally breathless, I don’t want to be touched anymore. Those are the moments when he tells me to keep my legs spread and he continues to rub my over-sensitive clitoris. The orgasm that follows never is a big one, but it leaves me even more spent than the big one.
As said in the beginning of this post, nowadays I take care of my own orgasms. I don’t ask for permission anymore. Somewhere in 2017 Master T sort of gave me permission to have orgasms when I need them. For the time being that was okay, but I am starting to notice that I miss his control. I miss his direction. Now he is in no way any better than he was in 2017 (worse even), but there might be a way to ‘feel’ his control again.
I want to talk to him.
I want to ask him to lay down new rules (yes, I know I have said this before).
I know he doesn’t want to be asked for permission for every orgasm, but maybe he can give me a standing order that I have to have two or three or four or whatever number of orgasms in x-amount of time? Say, a month? And, that I have to report back whether I did or not. A month seems like a good period, because then I won’t be ‘bothering’ him with it too much. He doesn’t see it that way, but I do, simply because I know his pain is predominant. Where this is no way as intense as our D/s used to be, it is much more than it was in the past two years. I want him to control my orgasms again, even if it might never be the same as it was before.
Let’s see where this go. Now to take the step and talk to him… sometimes I find so damn difficult!
© Rebel’s Notes