Losing My Mojo

A healthy sex life is not something that is obvious when you are in a loving relationship. Sometimes it can go from above average to an almost standstill due to circumstances – something which I have written about before and will most probably write about again. But today is not about our sex life that is very low key at this moment. It’s about the moments we do have sex, and those moments in the past when we were very active.

Sex, when everything “works” is fantastic. Sadly however, even when the mind is willing, our bodies can let us down. Stress, tiredness, illness, having the cat jump on the bed as you are approaching climax (or is that one just me?) can all sometimes cause things to go awry and for the best and naughtiest of intentions to fall short of where we wanted them to take us.

Now we don’t have a cat that can jump on the bed to disturb us, but we do have adult children still living with us, and they can be quite an influence on what happens in our bedroom, especially when we are already in bed and they are still up. To walk down the stairs they have to pass our bedroom door…

Have you had an experience where either you, or your partner just weren’t able to “follow through” with the mood? Is it something that happens regularly?

Thankfully, the times this have happened can be count on the fingers of one hand. Since I have mentioned the kids, I remember the one time I heard our son (who has his room above us) walking down the stairs just as I was on the brink of an orgasm. Now my orgasms tend to be accompanied with my moaning and I know the kids have heard me many times before. Back when my son had a girlfriend and she was visiting, the next morning he asked me: “So mom, did you enjoy it last night?” It took me a couple of moments to work out that they had heard me, and as from that moment whenever I hear him walk down the stairs, I tend to hold in. So this one night he walked down the stairs and somewhere in my close-to-delirium-asking-permission-to-come, I heard his footsteps. By then I had permission to come, but my orgasm was meager and not fulfilling at all. Try as I might after that (Master T kept on doing what he did, having noticed my orgasm wasn’t as big as we both thought it would be), I just couldn’t get my mind (or my cunt, for that matter) back in the game.

Now that was because of an ‘external’ factor, but it has also happened that try as I might, I just couldn’t get ‘into it’, that my mind kept on wandering to things I was stressed about, or things that needed to be done but where I just never seemed to have the time for. No matter how much I chased that orgasm, it just didn’t happen, and I had to give it up, telling Master T it was just not going to happen.

How did you feel at the time?

Disappointed. Like a failure.

I know these things can happen, and I believe your mind should be in a good place too, but still, the moment that happened, I was not happy at all. My mind was just not in the same place as my body.

How do you manage these situations? Are you ever able to get back “in the swing”? If so how?

In both the mentioned situations I couldn’t get back “in the swing”. I tried, but my mind was just too busy with outside things.

The other side is true too. It has happened a couple of times that I went to bed, totally not in the mood for sex. The only thing that was on my mind was sleep. Master T, however, had other plans. I very rarely tell him I’m not in the mood, so whenever he touches me and I know sex will be following, I just try to get my mind in the right place, to forget that I actually wanted to sleep. It’s not that I think just go with the flow, it will be over soon, but that at that moment I really want to please him. Sometimes, I do say: “I’m a bit tired,” but I do spread my legs for him. His reaction to that? Either nothing, or he tells me he will finger me to sleep.

Every single time this has happened, I turned from, wanting to sleep to wanting that orgasm. Now it makes me wonder, why does it work this way round, but it doesn’t work the other way round? Why can I get my body and mind into sex when I am not in the mood, but when I am ‘disturbed’ by external factors or my own mind, I can’t get back in the swing of things again?

Now there’s a question to ponder…

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© Rebel’s Notes

Food for Thought Friday

5 thoughts on “Losing My Mojo

  1. I’ve had situations like you describe where I just couldn’t orgasm, but got stuck on that “plateau” before it, sometimes due to reasons I couldn’t even identify. The older I get, however, the easier I find it to say, “it’s just not happening today” and either stop or continue as long as it’s pleasurable but without the aim of coming.

    That said, if sex (of any kind) is the only/main thing that is happening between me and a partner in an encounter, it can still make me feel like I’m “bad” at sex (even though I know in my head that this is utter nonsense). I find an inability to orgasm easier to handle if sex is just one of many things we do in an encounter, and there’s other kink activities as well that are their own kind of satisfying. It takes away the pressure of an orgasm being the “goal” and adds other sources of pleasure and connection.

    When I read your post (and some of the comments), I also thought of the book “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski, which I’ve recently read. It explains very well WHY the things you describe are happening (both the inability to some or get in the mood at all and the getting in the mood only AFTER you’ve started), and it has some really good suggestions for dealing with them. Several parts of the book have been extremely eye-opening for me, so now I’m recommending it (no, I don’t get paid for that) to everyone who seems to run into these kinds of issues. 🙂

  2. It does often seem like a very fine balancing act. Occasionally we stumble and often the only real option is to shrug our shoulders, and accept that it wasn’t to be this time, but there will (hopefully) always be others.

  3. My mind definitely plays a huge role in my (in)ability to orgasm. It takes me so long to get going and then I feel the pressure to do so which makes things harder.

    Thank you for sharing.

  4. Having others in the house definitely makes things harder. I’ve had my son knock on the door during sex, and it’s pretty much a mood killer. But your know, this made me think about it a little differently. It’s not like I want to disturb him, but it’s also good for our kids to know we lead a healthy sex life.

    I also get the “trying to wrap my head around it” when he’s in the mood thing. I’ve been advised to “fake it until I make it,” but that doesn’t always work out, and I’m not sure it’s always the best advice. Though I’m not sure what would work better either.

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