Continued from… Ten Things: Eroticon 2019 (part 1)
Less than two weeks before Eroticon I had my nipples pierced for the third time. I am so incredibly proud of these piercing and AMAZED by the fact that they have healed so quickly. I loved that on Friday night, even before the Meet&Greet, people asked me how my nipples felt. Then, during the Friday evening social, Honey asked me whether she could see them. I showed her, only afterwards thinking about the CCTV around, but thankfully no security guard came to throw me out, so I guess no one saw, or if they did, they just let it go.
Then came Saturday evening and the beautiful Hyacinth Jones had the brilliant idea to have a group Boobday shot went the rounds. Of course I wanted to be part of it, and I was. Oh, how I was. I have no idea what the exact number was, but I think about 30 people came together on Sunday afternoon, just after the closing statement at Eroticon, and bared their boobs! I can hardly wait to see the images!!! Where we did the same in 2016, back then we were ‘only’ with seven ladies. If the Boobday group pic grows like this every year, it would be brilliant!
Somehow there are always tears, but this year there were more… it seems to get more difficult every year to part from each other and go back to our respective lives. Eroticon is the place where you can be 100% yourself, where you don’t have to hide anything about yourself, where no one looks up with a frown when you talk about sex. Eroticon is addictive, because of this. Having to go back home and to have to hide an essential part of who you are, can be grueling… IS grueling, and on Sunday night tears flowed. The more tired we get as the weekend progresses, the less we manage to hide those tears. And… why should we? We are between OUR people, and true emotions are totally allowed and accepted. I battled my tears on Monday morning, hardly contained them when we said goodbye, and fought them all day on Tuesday and Wednesday. By Thursday, when we returned to work, I was to the point where I could talk about the weekend without showing my emotions to people who wouldn’t have understood it anyway!
The first year we went to Eroticon I was all revved up to meet people, and talked to them, but ended up talking only to a handful. After meeting the first couple of fellow bloggers, my nerves took over and the rest of the weekend I barely knew how to approach people I haven’t spoken too. The second time we attended was more or less the same. A dear friend told me that I had to keep in mind that my shyness and insecurity might come across as arrogant, even though I don’t have an arrogant bone in my body. It took me months to understand what she meant, and the Eroticon after that (this will be 2015), I really tried my best to connect with people, to walk towards people and talk to them, even if my knees trembled and my mind told me not to do it.
Every Eroticon after that I really try to connect with people, to go out of my way to talk to some, but sometimes I just can’t. Sometimes there’s something that keeps me back. No, not something. My own insecurity. I look at people, want to go and talk to them and then I see how confident they are, see how they are talking to others, how they are part of a group… and I falter. All through the weekend I tell myself to go to them, to talk to them, but something just holds me back, and I can’t tell you what it is.
And every year, I come back from Eroticon, and promise myself: next year, next year this is not going to happen at all!
Even though I have those feelings of insecurity I mentioned in the past paragraph, to me Eroticon is about connecting… re-connecting to those I have met before, and finally connecting face-to-face to those people I have followed and admired online for so long.
I know I am going to forget mentioning some people, and this is not because they are not important, but because my brain is still fuzzy after a long, brilliant and tiring weekend.
- Molly: my sister from another mother. Ever since that very first Eroticon, when Molly walked towards me with a huge smile on her face and called out “Rebel” because she had recognized my tattoo, there was a connection between us. Even though we only see each other once a year, I consider Molly a close friend.
- Hyacinth: my beautiful wifey, who is just so gentle and caring and sexy, and who gives the most wonderful hugs. This is the second year she brought her wives (Molly, Girl on the Net and me) a gift, which is so thoughtful and appreciated more than words can express.
- Kayla: friend and meme sister and inspirator and encourager. After any conversation with Kayla I feel this drive to want to win at everything, but especially making money with my blog. Lots of money!
- Kat Kinx: This was the first year I met Kat, and there was a connection I just couldn’t explain. Maybe it’s our age (we are only a few months apart), maybe that parts of our relationships are similar, maybe it’s just something in the universe. We connected on a special level. On Sunday night we sat together, hugging over and over again, and I can’t wait to see her again!
- Brigit Delaney: I have been following Brigit for years, back when she was still the Lustful Literate, and always felt like I have known her all my life. We met Brigit and her husband on the Thursday evening, and I wasn’t disappointed, because Brigit is as sweet and beautiful in real life as she is on her blog.
- Honey: We were not going to see Honey this weekend, as she wasn’t going to attend Eroticon, but there she was on the Friday night, at a special meeting and then at the Meet&Greet. It was so good to see her again; to sit down and talk to her!
- Curious Muse: Very little people in the community will still know who she is, since she’s not blogging anymore. We met CM at Eroticon 2013, and she became a personal friend after that, and she traveled and stayed overnight, specially to spend time with us. We had a wonderful time together!
- Ian Jade: Many of you may remember Ian from previous Eroticons, but this year he wasn’t there either, except for the Sunday night, as he too traveled quite a distance specially to see us. It was brilliant seeing him, talking and laughing with him.
- Bibulous One and Mistress Elita: Weeks before Eroticon B1 invited about a dozen people to see him being dominated by the graceful Mistress Elita, and this made the Eroticon weekend start off with a bang. I have wanted to write about it, but The Other Livvy has done it much better than I will be able to.
- Girl on the Net: Oh how I enjoyed Friday and Saturday night, joking around with GOTN about Hyacinth, about me being the quiet and patient one running off with Hy while GOTN and Molly ‘fights’ about who’s the number 1 wife. This ‘wifey-thing’ started in 2016, and continues to makes us all smile.
- Bee & Bee-Keeper: Seeing this lovely couple was one of the highlights of our weekend. I loved the reaction of Bee-Keeper when somehow Bee’s feet went in totally the wrong direction on Thursday after work and she found herself in Camden instead of on the train back home!
- Luke + Jack: In 2018 we really connect with these two lovely gentleman, and even though we talked much less this year, every minute spent with them was absolutel brilliant.
- There are so many others to mention! People we have met before and whom we saw again this year, such as Kayla’s lovely husband, John Brownstone, Pearl (who we met last year, but who was a delegate on Saturday this year), Euclidian Point (who I sadly didn’t speak to enough this year), Cara Thereon (who is as lovely as ever), Jaime Mortimer (whom we got to talk to more this year), Michael (who was in full organizing mode this weekend), Nick (who had his beautiful wife with him again), Posy Churchgate (who once again I haven’t spoken to much this year), Julie (whom I finally had a longer conversation with), and Alethea Hunt (who promised to start blogging again).
- And of course there were the people we met for the first time: E.L. Byrne, Jayne Renault, Floss, Violet Grey, Hairy Dom and his cub, His Lordship and Submissy, the Purples, Little Switch Bitch and her man, thebarefootsub, and of course the Dutchies, Jay and Tess of Tesstest!
- Last but not least, we had to miss Will of Doxy, who due to illness couldn’t be at Eroticon this year. Many people signed a getting well card for him.
Like I said earlier in this very long post, these are my people, this is where I belong, this is where I feel loved. I have never in my life belonged to a group, but have always been looking in from the outside, wishing I was part of…
Ever since we started going to Eroticon, I have found my people, have found the group I have been looking for all my life. Love surrounded us, love for each other and love for what we do.
Maybe it was under the influence of the love that I bought a pair of far too expensive ‘Happy Socks’ men’s trunks full of hearts, something that will feature on my blog at some stage…
Each year I seem to gain more confidence, to feel more at ease talking to new people, despite what I said earlier about my feelings of insecurity. This year I was even part of a panel. In fact, my confidence has raised so much that on Monday morning as we waited for our cab, I already told Molly about a session I would love to do next year, and I am very confident that I can do it alone, even though I know the closer Eroticon 2020 comes, I will become deadly nervous and wonder what the fuck I thought… up to the moment I stand there and do my thing, because I know I can!
Eroticon – it’s better when you come!
© Rebel’s Notes