Styling Marie

The question for this week’s Erotic Journal Challenge is: How would you describe your sexual style?

The first place my mind went was to the clothes I wear, to how I like to dress, but of course that’s not what ‘sexual style’ is about. By looking closely at your past relationships you can define your sexual pattern, or your sexual style. The three styles identified (from what I could find) are ‘sexy’, ‘sensual’ and ‘intimate’. Some of the explanations I could find on Psychology Today are:

“Sexy” is a sexual style most often correlated with high-testosterone behaviors. Put two testosterone-driven individuals in a room together who are attracted to each other and pure lust can evolve rapidly. People with these hormonal drivers are into the joy of sex for its own sake. They rarely experience conflict, easily focus on their goals, and feel entitled to their successes. If thwarted, they can be controlling, pushy, or charmingly persistent. But they know what they want and go after it without hesitation or discomfort.

Sensuality as a sexual signature is the ability to fully experience one’s senses. Smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, and feeling combine to awaken the body and can strongly contribute to a sexual connection. Sensuality is very affected by the level of stimulation. Each individual has his or her own particular comfort level of which senses are stimulated in which ways, and be aroused or overloaded depending on the level of intensity experienced. As a result, sensuality is easily affected by another’s sexual style. One person may only be able to feel excitement with a rough, demanding, and intense partner. Another may need a gentler approach that includes a more teasing, tactile touch. What is dramatically arousing to one person may be a total turn-off to another.

Intimacy is the magic that turns two people into a single emotional and physical entity within their sexual experience. It is the essence of romance. Aching for sexual fulfillment while building desire can greatly enhance the physical connection when it finally happens. Sexual partners who intentionally practice postponing the physical act of sex until they are living in the hearts, minds, and souls of their lovers want to fall more deeply in love before they sexually unite. Intimate connection allows for, and encourages, any sexual and sensual intertwining that simultaneously includes both people’s desires. When sexual partners create intimacy, both feel emotionally treasured and sexually valued. Both my male and female patients consistently describe intimacy as a feeling of being deeply known, totally accepted, and securely held.

Sorry for the long quotes, but otherwise my post will make no sense.

I think my sexual style swings between sensual and intimate. I need to feel the connection that leaves me feeling emotionally treasured and sexually valued, but I also need the intensity of a rough and demanding partner, which in our case manifests itself in our D/s relationship, and even in the lack of such a relationship. I have frequently said on this blog that I can’t have sex with someone if I don’t feel a connection with them, and I think that’s where the ‘intimacy’ style comes forward very strongly, but then I also need the ‘sensual’ style to support the ‘intimacy’ style.

It actually make sense to me, because when I look at past relationships, I realize that we stopped at ‘intimacy’ and never got to the ‘sensual’ part, as none other could fulfill that side of me. Master T was the first. This doesn’t mean that those others were bad lovers, but only that I didn’t know myself well enough back the to know what I want. Also, that when I got older and started understanding what it was I miss in an intimate relationship, I sort of asked for it, but it was never ‘granted’.

I think it’s brilliant that this question of the Erotic Journal Challenge has made me understand this about myself.

And, since I have misunderstood the question at first, and thought this might be about my clothing style and since it is February and I want to share images for February Photofest 2019, let me share some of the images I had made of myself in the past when I felt pretty or content.

my style
See a theme here?

© Rebel’s Notes

3 thoughts on “Styling Marie

  1. Why yes…I do see a theme with those images. I take it your signature color is red? And these three types of sexual style are interesting. I wasn’t aware of them as labels or types. I agree with you…I think I’d be somewhere between intimate and sensual.

  2. This was a really interesting look at the question. Thank you for the definitions because it made me think about my approach. I’m very similar on being somewhere between the last two. I need intimacy or it doesn’t work, but the right pattern can facilitate that. Great post, Rebel!

  3. Completely agree with your “I can’t have sex with someone if I don’t feel a connection with them” . . . and it is connections that make any relationship fun isn’t it.

    Oh, and loving those Black Nets !!!

    Xxx – K

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