We would like to introduce our brand new writing prompt by beginning with something easy. The first topic we are going to ask you to write about is submission. Whether you are living in a full-time D/s relationship, practise D/s in the bedroom, or enjoy some elements of D/s play, we would like to hear your thoughts on what submission means for you.
Feve of Temperature Rising alerted me about this new meme, which I immediately added to my post #SoSS #65 and to the list of all active memes. I was going to leave it at that as my blog is filled with FebPhotoFest2019 this month, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind.
Could I even write for this meme, which is all about dominance and submission with our D/s being at the lowest it has ever been? Do I even want to write about it? What would I write? Those questions and more kept on going around in my mind, up to the moment I decided that I want to do it. I want to write about it.
The fact that our D/s is as it is doesn’t mean that I’m not submissive anymore. Submissiveness is not something for which you flick a switch to put it on and off. Not for me. Being submissive is as part of my nature as it is that I am an optimist or a hard worker.
What does submission mean to me?
Back in the beginning of our D/s, Master T said he was going to train me to be the perfect submissive. I wondered back then if I could ever be the perfect submissive until he explained that he wanted me to be perfect for him. Not for anyone else. For him.
Pleasing him made me happy. Back in those first days we were both in some kind of frenzy, but our D/s eventually settled into a place where I didn’t question things he expected of me, but just did what he asked. He had rules in place for me, some of which, like not crossing my legs or asking permission for an orgasm, still apply today.
Being submissive, following his rules, doing what he expects of me keeps me calm. It feeds me in the same way the love between us feeds me. For some time when our D/s started to wane, I panicked. It depressed me. I did what I always did: I thought there was something wrong with me. Of course there wasn’t and Master T assured me there was nothing wrong. Gradually I accepted that for now, our D/s is minimal, but even then, I still am submissive.
Having someone who understands my needs, who have accepted the complex person I am – decisive and driven in every day things, but submissive when it comes to relationships and sex – has completed me. Being able to express my submission, to live my submission allows me to truly be the person I am.
I think, looking back on previous relationships, it’s all I ever wanted: for a man to take ownership of me, for a man to allow me to be all I am within the boundaries he has set. I can’t live without those boundaries. I need to have rules. I need to know what’s allowed and what’s not. Without that I feel adrift; lost.
That’s something that others never understood. They saw me as equals, and that was it. Master T saw me as an equal and still does, but he also saw the submissive in me and allowed her to come out and play.
We have a total equal relationship except for those parts where we have agreed not to be equal.
Bottom line? Submissiveness is part of who I am, and being able to be submissive completes me; allows me to be me.
© Rebel’s Notes