Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (19) – Free Will
I know quite a number of women (and men) who will totally cringe when their partners tell them: “You are mine.”
They don’t want to belong to someone, because they are with that person out of their own free will. That is what they tell me – they won’t be claimed.
Neither will I.
I have, in the past, broken off contact with people because they claimed me. One of then was a woman, who wanted to dominate me from a distance, and Master T had agreed to it. However, she got angry when she saw me tweeting to other women and started a fight with me. For almost a week I tried to explain to her that I didn’t have the same fond feelings for those other women than I had for her. The more I had to explain, the more my fond feelings for her disappeared to the background, especially when she started saying foul things to me. She called me every bad name in the book. I blocked her and broke off all contact.
I also distanced myself from a man who we were considering to have playdates with. Once he started saying things where he was obviously claiming me and conveniently ‘forgetting’ about Master T’s existence, I lost all interest in him.
I will not be claimed.
When Master T tells me ‘you are mine’ he is claiming me as his. I want to be claimed by him. I want him to tell me I am his. I want it, because I freely gave myself to him. I freely submitted to him, wanted to be his. Women who don’t want to be claimed by the men they have married don’t understand our dynamic. They don’t understand how I can submit to my husband, how I want to be his property.
I belong to one person, the person I have chosen to be my keeper, my owner. He is my husband. I will give myself to another man or woman for a date, because Master T allows it and because I want it too, but outside of the date I don’t want to be claimed by that man or woman. Between dates I love talking to them, and I don’t mind them telling me that they long for me or want me or what they want to do to me. There is a very fine line between telling me that and claiming me.
I have sometimes wondered if I will ever be able to give myself to any other man the way I gave and give myself to Master T. Will I ever be able to trust a man again the same way I trust him? Will any other man ever be able to understand my needs the way he understands me?
There is one other man I trust and would give myself to, but I have no idea if I can do it to the same degree that I am doing it with Master T.
Maybe this is something that comes along only once in a lifetime…
To be continued… The Story of O (21) – Marked
© Rebel’s Notes