Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (18) – Give Yourself
O could always put an end to whatever she was submitted to – in Roissy and with Sir Stephen. She never chose to put an end to it.
She gave herself fully. She gave herself to the men at Roissy because that is what René wanted and therefore that is what she wanted to. She gave herself to Sir Stephen and fell in love with him. She became Sir Stephen’s, because René wanted that.
O was never forced to do what she did.
I am not forced either.
It took years of Master T telling me his desire to see me with another man before I started to warm to the idea. Oh, it had me excited from the first moment, but I had to get used to the idea of being fucked by another man AND enjoying it while my husband watched. You see, to him it was not only about watching me being fucked. He also wanted me to enjoy it, wanted me to give myself to the other man and to make all of us happy. Not only him. Not only the other man, but all of us.
He never forced me.
He planted the seed, told me it was okay to be excited by the idea, allowed the seed to grow and finally I was ready.
Ready to give myself.
Ready for new experiences.
There is something so beautiful in giving myself to another. I don’t think I will ever loose the feeling of nervousness before or in the beginning of a date with another man, but one thing I have noticed is that the more we date with other men, the more relaxed I feel when I am fucked and Master t watches.
It’s not only with dates I give myself freely.
I also submit to Master T (and the men he selects) because I want to. Submission is very much part of my nature, but it has taken a lifetime to find a man who is worthy of my submission, who treats me like a lady, but also like his slut. Master T is that man. Even during this time where he is not 100% healthy and we are totally not active with our D/s, I still see him as my Master, my Owner. He puts the collar around my neck every night we go to bed (if I haven’t fallen asleep before him). He’s the one who is in control, because I want him to be in control.
I am not forced to do anything.
Everything I do, I do of my own free will. I am true to myself. If I submit to my husband, I do so because I want to. If I allow other men to fuck me, I do so because I want to, but also because I know how happy it makes my husband and I want to make him happy.
There is nothing that makes me happier than making him happy while being myself.
To be continued… The Story of O (20) – Belonging
© Rebel’s Notes