Less Sex, Less Drive

Secondly, I think my sex drive would probably just start to erode. My lust is pretty self-sustaining, in that the more recently I have had sex, the more likely I am to want more sex. As the time passes between shags, whichever part of my brain (or my cunt) is responsible for telling me I’m horny fades into the background. Like a neglected dog, it soon stops barking for my attention when it realises it isn’t going to get it.

The above are the words of Girl on the Net, written in her post What if I never have sex again?

Those words made me think of my personal situation.

I have always had a high sex drive. Except for the times I didn’t have the drive.

Let me explain…

Looking back on my life, I can see how I could never get enough of sex. Back when I had my first boyfriend, at the age of fifteen, and once we started having sex, I wanted it all the time. The first time we did it was in the bed of his brother and sister-in-law and many of the times after that was outside in the car, somewhere in a field, or in his bed. Never in mine, as there was always someone home. I just couldn’t get enough of it, but I put that down to the fact that I wanted to get pregnant. Once I was pregnant and he disappeared from my life, sex wasn’t interesting anymore.

Before this boyfriend and before I had penetrative sex, I had some boyfriends whom I allowed to touch me, to finger me. When they couldn’t bring me to orgasm, I did it myself, in the privacy of my bed.

When I met my first husband, sex happened morning, noon and night. I couldn’t get enough of it, and I put it down to the fact that I loved him so much and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course that was true, and after our marriage our good sex life continued, also after our son was born. There never was anything to complain about, regarding sex that is.

I had two serious relationships between my first and second marriages and the same happened then — I couldn’t get enough of sex. Then I met and married my second husband and yes, yet again sex was always on the top of my list of favorite activities. When I was single again, I had a couple of people I chatted with, and where I couldn’t be with any of them all the time, I did masturbate a lot, because of the sexy things we talked about and the occasional meetings for sex.

And then of course, Master T came into my life, and again it was sex, sex, sex.

Until it wasn’t anymore.

In the past two years our sex life has totally come to a standstill. Yes, we had sex a couple of times, but I think our average for the past two years matches the average I had in my highly sexual periods when I was in a relationship. Yes, I still masturbate, but I am really honest when I say this maybe happens once every 2-3 weeks.

Reading what Girl on the Net has said above, suddenly gave me an answer to a question I didn’t even know I had. All those stretches in my life when I was between relationships, or when marriages started going bad, my interest for sex waned. I sometimes even stopped masturbating or having any kind of urge for anything sexy. I think (but I can’t say for certain) that I might even have gone a year without sex at some stage of my life. And now, with our current situation, the drive for sex is not as high as it once was. It’s like my sex drive has adjusted to the circumstances, only telling me every once in a while that it’s time to masturbate again, and once it’s done, it’s done.

No sex zone sign

Just like Girl on the Net has said: Like a neglected dog, it soon stops barking for my attention when it realises it isn’t going to get it.

Somehow I think this is a kind of survival mechanism in our bodies, even though I know this will not be true for everyone. But it is for me, and I am thankful that it is, as I can do without the extra stress of having to worry about when Master T will be in the mood for sex again. A couple of weeks ago he said: “I know you what you’re missing.”
At that moment I knew he was talking about sex, and somehow, just knowing he knows, is enough. I can wait.

And I know, the moment we start having regular sex again, my drive will be back in a flash, because that’s what my sexual history tells me.

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© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday

12 thoughts on “Less Sex, Less Drive

  1. i feel like I’m in such a weird place but maybe I’m not. Maybe because I’ve always felt like my sex drive is non existent, but I’ve had periods where it surges because I am getting sex regularly. Now I’m not, because if distance and I’m wondering if it is neglect that makes is tank. Thank you for sharing.

  2. That you both love each other and care about the other hopefully means that you are able to wait until you are able to have regular sex together. I identify with what you (and GOTN) say about the need and desire subsiding when you aren’t having sex.

  3. I fully agree. When we are having a lot of sex, I want it all the time, but when we stop…it is easy for me to forget about it for long periods. If health issues were to get in the way, we have love to pull us through. And vibrators.

  4. The conclusion you’ve come to, “Somehow I think this is a kind of survival mechanism in our bodies…” Make perfect sense. Thanks for sharing your story.

  5. I am about to tackle this topic myself; I feel a lot of parallels between our story and mine. I agree, I would think once you get your ‘desire’ muscle woken up and flexing again it will power you along – and I hope for you and Master T this is soon. x

  6. I agree with May and also with what you are saying about the interest fading,or at least being out on hold. I think I am the same and 8t is a case of the more I get the more I want. ?

  7. Celibacy because of health/care issues when the love is still there, difficult, but is something I could do also. Because you know there is a reason for no sex and that there is a good possibility it will change xx

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