Windows to the Soul

My eyes

My mother had blue eyes, my father brown, and my turned out to be hazel, although depending on my emotions they almost seem to change color. Sometimes they are more green (mostly with anger) and other times more brown (sadness, but also joy).

I have difficulty looking others in the eyes during a conversation. I also find it difficult when I talk to others and they keep on looking at my face; try to hold eye contact. No, I have never been tested, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a bit of autism in me too, especially since I both my son and oldest grandson has autism, and I have heard it’s passed on on the female side. During a conversation I force myself to hold eye contact for as long as possible, but it depends on who my conversation partner is, as sometimes I succeed, more or less, and other times I keep on looking away or fix on a point behind them. I know this irritates some people, and there are people who might think I am not sincere, but this is just one of my ‘handicaps’.

My eyes
My eyes

That said, I have little difficulty looking in the eyes of those who are close to me. I can have a conversation with Master T, my kids, my best friend, some of my colleagues and I will look them in the eye while we talk. I think this is because of forcing myself during my adult life to hold eye contact and I just find it easier with those close to me.

Master T has blue eyes. A piercing blue, and eyes that has more expression in them than his face leads on. He uses his eyes to talk to me. It’s not that he consciously does this; it just happens. There are the times when he looks at me and I can read the love in his eyes, and it just makes me feel warm inside. Those are the times I lean towards him and give him a kiss, or rest my head against his shoulders. Other times, especially during D/s play, he will look at me and his eyes tell me to obey. Sometimes only a look from him is enough for me to do what I know I have to do.

But, there are also those looks he gives me that totally melt my insides. Wetness will pool between my legs and those are the times all I want is to be fucked by him. It can happen across a room with others present, or in bed with only the two of us. His eyes make me like clay in his hands — at that moment he can form me into anything he wants. For as long as I can I look into his eyes when he kisses me, but there comes the moment that I have to close my eyes, and as I do, I surrender to him.

During sex it varies whether I make eye contact or not. When I am on top — nowadays I mostly am — I also tend to close my eyes, but there are those moments when I watch his face, watch him watch me, but also watch to see the want, the passion in his eyes. He never closes his eyes during sex, except for that moment of his release; the moment he spurts deep in my cunt.

His eyes are softer after sex, and then when we kiss, he closes them.

They say that eyes are the windows to the soul, but eyes show so much. Like with Master T’s, they can show his dominance, his love, his passion, but they also show his pain. I sometimes look at him and without asking, I know he’s in a lot of pain. He never complains. I’m always the one asking whether he’s in pain and when he asks ‘why’, I tell him that he has a ‘dark look’. It really seems like there’s a shadow in his eyes when everything hurts.

I will much rather see his eyes talking of dominance and passion, of love and want, than of pain. If I could, I would have taken over his pain in a flash, but that’s not possible. So I support him by giving him the space he needs to get through this difficult time, while I keep an eye on him and his health, the same I know he keeps an eye on me too.

© Rebel’s Notes

5 thoughts on “Windows to the Soul

  1. My partner always tells me his eyes are hazel, no they’re not, they’re a beautiful shade of brown when he’s intense, blue when he’s playful, grey when he’s sad and green when matched with his cheeky grin.

  2. KinkyKrissy says:

    for the most part my husband is “expressionless”. but i can see joy, sadness and pain in his eyes. i asked him one time what he noticed about me when we 1st met… i figured he’d come back with one of the “man standards” boobs, legs, or ass…..
    he said “your eyes”

    even with the low cut, belly showing top, and short shorts i was wearing…:-)

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