“I’ll get started tomorrow…”
What behavior or activity do you keep pushing off until tomorrow? What reasons do you use to delay the change. What if you were ordered-directed by your dominant to make the change.
Would you still find valid reasons to delay it?
Oh how many times have I told myself in the past months that I will get started tomorrow. Or, another phrase in my mind: “Just you wait and see.”
And here I am, months later, and I haven’t started yet, and if I am really honest, I don’t think I will.
What am I talking about?
Everyone who has been reading this blog for some years will know that back halfway through 2016 I started on a LCHF journey and was very successful with it, losing something like 17 kilograms and feeling perfect. With my 50th birthday in 2017 I weighed only 78 kilograms, which was less than I had weighed in a LONG time. With mom being sick and being at her side in the hospital for many days, I got into the habit of eating comfort food. Things like sausage rolls, and muffins, and toasted cheese, to name but a few. I gradually put on weight and then halfway through this year I weighed 95 kilograms. Yes, serious. 95 kilograms. I could already ‘feel’ the 100 kilograms, as well as my back and my knees and my ankles… you get the picture.
I started going to the gym in June this year. I planned to get back onto the LCHF diet too, roundabout that same time.
Tomorrow I will start…
I keep on saying that, and now, 5 months down the line, I am still saying it. But, to be honest, I am not making a big thing out of it. You see, I lost about 6 kilograms in the past months and I am stuck on the same weight now for the last three of those. I feel good, I eat what I want, but not too much of it. I try not to make to big a thing out of the fact that I cannot seem to start dieting again. Deep down I don’t even know if I ever want to start dieting again. I look at myself in the mirror and think: you don’t look that bad!
Now part of the question above is whether I would be able to get back onto the diet if I am ordered-directed by Master T. I have wondered about this too. Not so much in this phase of our lives, where everything is at a bit of a standstill, but in the past years I have wondered if it would work for us when Master T controlled what I eat.
I think there’s a very simple answer to this: no.
The reason I am so sure about that is because Master T has never once told me I have to lose weight. Whenever I have been complaining what I look like (even when I stared 100 kilograms in the eyes), he has told me that I look good; that he doesn’t see the problem. When I told him exactly where the problem is, he said that he doesn’t see it because the overweight is divided equally, and not all concentrated on my tummy or in my thighs or something like that.
He has always left it to me, whether I feel I need to lose weight or not.
Even if I would ask Master T to regulate my food to help me lose weight, it will not work. It doesn’t work for me if I have to ask for something, because then it doesn’t feel like I should do it. Plus, like I said, I know he is happy with what I look like, and with that knowledge in the back of my mind, the drive to follow ‘his diet orders’ will be gone too.
No, I think it’s good the way it is. I started going to the gym months ago, and I know my body has become stronger because of that. Even though I am stuck on the same weight, I don’t care. If I lose more weight, it’s okay, and if I stay like this, it’s okay. I am okay with who I am now, with what I look like. Even though I keep on saying “I’ll get started tomorrow…”, I am content with my body as it is now.
And, who knows, maybe one morning I will wake up and suddenly it will be the tomorrow where I finally am able to do the LCHF diet again.
© Rebel’s Notes