Gratitude

gratitude

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
~ Melody Beattie

As I write this, I am looking back on a ‘weird’ experience. I have that in inverted commas, because it’s not the right word, or rather, I have not found the word to describe it yet. I am still processing my first EMDR treatment, and yes, a post will follow, because I want to share it here.

I feel at peace after the treatment; calm.

I feel thankful…

… for my family

If it wasn’t clear already, I love my husband to bits. I can’t imagine my life without Master T, and god forbid anything should happen to him, because I don’t know how I will survive that. I love my kids, my grandkids — they bring joy to my life in a way that only kids and grandkids can do it. Our two daughters are beautiful, responsible souls, one married and with a family, the other studying and full of plans for the future. They are two balls of sunshine. Our son is different, in so many ways. He is a troubled soul, autistic, spells of depression, only now making the steps to leave the house at the age of 30 towards assisted living. But, him being different doesn’t make me love him less, or make him less than the girls. He is who he is, and brings as much joy to my life as the others.

… for my health

My mental health has suffered a lot in the past two years, trying to find a new balance throughout the difficulties Master T is dealing with, and my mom’s passing. My physical health has sometimes suffered from that, but on the whole, looking back, my health has been rather good. I have been more tired than normal, have had my grumpy periods, but ever since I took a step back at work, my health has started improving. And with Master T’s health getting better, it seems mine is improving even more, probably because of less stress on my side.

… for my strength

This is something that I don’t easily say about myself: that I am strong. I frequently see the inner strength in other people, and when they go through difficult times, I remind them of their strength, but in the midst of problems and stress and difficulties in my own life, I forget about my own strength. However, I would not have been where I am today, was it not for the inner strength I possess. Life has taught me to be strong, fighting a narcissistic dad, falling pregnant as a teen, raising my kids mostly as a single parent, going through two divorces, mental and physical abuse, punishing myself for wrong choices… and the list goes on. My positive nature, my will to carry on, my determination, my strength pulled me through.

… for my creativity

All through my life creativity has played a role. Whether I was drawing or painting or designing and making clothes or wishing cards, or indeed, writing, I was always creating something. I believe this has helped me many times to survive, because making things kept my hands busy and allowed my mind to process things that had happened. Nowadays, I tunnel all my creativity into writing, and share it with the world, hoping to help other people out there by sharing my own experiences.

… for the person I am

Just like I never talk about my strength, another thing I normally don’t say about myself is that I am a good person. But I really believe I am. Mom was a good person, and by example she has taught me to be one too. Be helpful to others, even if there is no gain for you. Smile at strangers, even when they don’t smile back. See the good in others, even when it’s hard. To be kind to others cost you nothing. Helping others or being kind is not a conscious thought: it just happens. Taking a step back to look at myself, at the person I am,I know this is just part of who I am. Yes, I can be a bitch, but only when a situation calls for it.

I am thankful…

… for my husband, our kids and grandkids; the pillars of my foundation.
… for my health being good, despite everything.
… for my strength, which has pulled me through and helped me to survive.
… for my creativity, as it doesn’t only help me, but others too.
… for the person I am.

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© Rebel’s Notes

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