On the day my mom was buried in 2017, I posted ‘Remembrance‘, a post in which I told you about my idea to get a tattoo in honor of my mom. I had an idea what I wanted, but all these months I have been postponing it. The biggest reason for this was my doubt to have the tattoo done on my wrist.
Back in August my oldest daughter had a wonderful tattoo done. When the furniture was removed from mom’s flat, the last thing they took out was her chair. I didn’t ask them to leave it until the end; it just so happened that they did. It was kind of symbolic. As they emptied the house, I took pictures. I needed to capture the process. The photo I made of her chair — her empty chair — said it all.
She was gone.
The photo was what my daughter used to have her tattoo done. It is on her left thigh, done very realistically by a brilliant artist, and the chair is in a beautiful brocade frame, with the words: I am because you were.
Ever since she has had her tattoo done, the urge to have mine done increased. But, I was still undecided about the placement. I discussed it with both my daughters and with Master T, because really, my wrist still looked like such a good option. I was thinking about having it done on my left wrist, so I can wear my watch over it. Yes, this was to make it less obvious that I have a tattoo on my arm. Both daughters said it’s my body, and I should decide where I want it. Master T confirmed yet again that he doesn’t like the idea of a tattoo on my wrist, but he too said that I should decide for myself where I want it placed. It is, after all, my body.
Three weeks ago I went to a new tattoo shop. We discovered that we have a very good one in our town. It’s only three doors down from the psychologist, so right after my appointment back then, I walked over to the tattoo shop. I first had to decide who I wanted to be my tattoo artist, so I looked at some designs and chose a young girl who does beautiful, realistic tattoos. It was not only that which made me decide to choose for her. I just liked her style. There’s a young man who works there too, but his work is darker than what I like for myself, and the other girl are more into simple line work.
I told the artist what I wanted, and why — an infinity cross because my mom returned to her faith in the last months of her life, a heart incorporated in the cross to symbolize the love we have in our family, and which has become so evident while mom was sick. Also, a beautiful little flower, the clivia, which mom had two plants of and she was always so happy when they had flowers.
I showed her the images, and immediately her eyes lit up: “I have something beautiful in mind for you.”
For close to an hour I sat on the couch in her room, while she drew on her iPad. When she said that she was done, I was so happy with what she has drawn. There was a slight misunderstanding — for which afterwards I was very grateful — because she thought I wanted to have it done immediately. When she said she was going to print the design, I thought it’s because she wanted to give it to me to take with me.
She came back with the print and, while saying, “it’s a bit bigger than you wanted”, she put it on my arm. It was not only ‘a bit bigger’, but big enough to cover my entire lower arm, more or less. That was not the first thing that bothered me though. What bothered me most is that when I looked at it, is that I would be looking at the cross upside down. I didn’t like that (even though I know this is common practice).
I left with her promise that she would call me later that day to set an appointment. By the time she called, I had decided not to have the tattoo on my arm, as I know this will make me incredibly unhappy. Not only because the cross will be upside down when I look at it, but mostly because a tattoo covering my underarm doesn’t appeal to me.
It was a bit of a thing to decide where I want the tattoo, and I am still undecided to whether I want it on my left hip or on my left thigh, at the same height that I have my BDSM tattoo.
(If you have any suggestions, please let me know…)
The tattoo will be done on 19 December, which was the wedding day of my mom and dad. I didn’t choose the date, this was the first opening she had… which, in my mind, adds to the symbolism of the tattoo.
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