Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (15) – The Dream
You’re an easy girl.
Does René know you desire every man who wants you?
It’s an alibi, this obedience.
In the times when I was between relationships, I went through times when I masturbated every night, but also through months without touching myself. The times when I didn’t touch myself was because of me thinking I am too easy and love sex just a bit too much and I tried to show myself that I can go without it.
Then I met Master T…
Almost from the beginning of our relationship he said that he would love to see other men fucking me. Or women. He instantly recognized that my sex drive is higher, but it’s also a fantasy of his to watch others fucking me. At first I didn’t want to know anything about it. I have once cheated in a relationship and allowing others to fuck me while my husband watches, felt like cheating too. But, the idea grew on me, until we came to a point where I was fucked by another man for the first time. It was awkward, but damn exciting too.
When I see what Sir Stephen asked O ‘Does René know you desire every man who wants you?’ I automatically thought about our relationship.
I started viewing men we met in a different light. Does he excite me? Do I want him to touch me? Can I imagine him fucking me? Is there a mutual attraction? Do I notice some kind of warmth from his kind, that he views and values me as a person or does he make me feel like I am only a means for him to get rid of his semen? You see, I want to be used, but not like that. I don’t only want to be ‘an easy piece of meat’ for the man in question.
I do not desire every man who wants me. That is one of the reasons why we never plan to have sex on a first date. Our first date is always a coffee date. I need to know that there is some kind of click. If there’s none, no sex will follow. We can be friends, meet for coffee again, but there will never be sex. Also, what I have learned about myself is that when we have sex dates with someone, I want them to invest in me as much as I do in them. By ‘invest’ I mean to keep contact, to occasionally ask how the other is, to talk to each other, to get to know each other. I cannot go from sex date to sex date with no contact at all as each time will feel like the first time and I prefer that some kind of ‘bond’ forms, as that also builds trust.
My obedience to Master T is not an alibi. The last time we’ve had a sexy date was in July 2016. In September 2016 Master T started having physical problems and by December 2016 those physical problems have also triggered mental once. I have not been fucked for months, but have been fingered a couple of times in the past weeks. Had my obedience been an alibi, I might have asked Master T whether I could date with the men without him present. Then it would have been about my sex drive and my desires and not about my obedience. We have made a commitment and he has set down the rules. I abide by them, which means I will wait until Master T is better before I have sex with someone else again, with him present.
Maybe some people do see me as an easy girl, and do think my obedience, my submission is an excuse to fuck others, but those who really know me, also know better.
To be continued… The Story of O (17) – Yours
© Rebel’s Notes
Click the button to see who else is playing or to link your own post.