Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (13) – I’ll Do As You Say
They examined her body in a brutal and abominable way. She was covered in shame. But despite the shame, she felt like someone going into a familiar dream that’s about to start.
Many times in my life I have dreamed and fantasized about being examined, about fingers probing and touching and spreading to see my most intimate bits, to feel the texture or the wetness, to look at the color of the flesh and to watch it reacting under their examining fingers.
However, to me there is a fine line between being examined and being judged. Where I get horny even by the thought of being examined, the thought of being judged makes me angry, because it totally pulls out all solid ground I have under me. It makes me feel inadequate and totally without any self-confidence. This has once almost ruined a playdate we had planned, because the other dom said that he wanted to ‘examine’ me first. In itself that wasn’t what got to me. No, it was when he added that he wanted to examine me to see whether I was worthy to be played with that I was in tears and told Master T that I don’t want the playdate to happen. Eventually there was no examining and no judging either.
Sometimes, when Master T looks at my cunt while he’s touching me, especially when he first strokes my outer labia, then run his fingers on the inside of it, circling my clitoris and slowly moving slower until he pushes a finger inside me, I imagine him examining me. My thoughts, combined with the movements of his fingers, are enough to make my nipples go hard and my cunt begging to be fingered.
Looking at this scene in The Story of O, where Sir Stephen examined her and René was there, watching, encouraging and even pointing out her assets, I can totally imagine myself in a situation like that. They say O felt shame, but also like she was going into a familiar dream that was about to start. I think she also felt pride and love. There is nothing shameful about the way she is examined, in fact, it’s horny as hell and totally taps into my fantasy of being the focus point of two men who both want me and both want to see every single bit of me, especially those that give them and me so much pleasure.
© Rebel’s Notes
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