How and If to Continue

You start a blog to share your stories with the world. You discover Twitter and get to share even more of yourself. People start talking to you and comment on your stories. You now don’t share only fiction, but also real things from your life. Images. Thoughts.

Before you know, you celebrate the second, the fourth, the fifth birthday of your blog. Another year goes by and yet another. You cannot imagine your life without your blog. It’s a huge part of who you are. You even start another project or two to help build and grow the sex blogging community. Every day you work on your blog, or what has now become blogs, for several hours. You have a fixed weekly planning and you stick to it. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Because you enjoy what you are doing.

You have friends in the sex blogging community, some of whom you have met in person, others who will forever remain online friends, no matter how much you want to meet them. People know who you are, and you know who they are. You welcome newcomers to the community with open arms, support them and encourage them.

Then something happens…

… something huge. Something that keeps you from your blog. It’s not just a simple loss of Internet connection or a weekend away where you take some time off. Because, with those two things you can still be busy with your blog. If you have no Internet connection you can still write. If you go away for a weekend or even a week, you can plan ahead.

No, I am talking something major. An illness. An accident. A death in the family. An emotional or mental breakdown. Something that more or less incapacitate you from running your blog. We all know that if you don’t produce fresh content, it hurts your numbers, and once you have lost readers it can be quite difficult to get them back again. But, if you are ill or you had a breakdown, or when someone in the family needs your care or has passed away, you can ask for help. I did. When my mom was ill last year and only got worse, I asked for help with the Wicked Wednesday write-up. It was brilliant. So many people jumped in to help. I was pretty okay for posts on my main blog as I have quite some content that has been scheduled ahead, but Wicked Wednesday needed to be done every week. I didn’t need to do it, but I knew I could give Molly my password and she would have run Wicked Wednesday for me if I couldn’t do it at all. Having others do the top 3 was a huge help to me, but also a way for me to engage more people, so I continued with that. I do a handful of write-ups during the year and the rest I allow other bloggers in our lovely community to do it.

So yes, you can always ask someone in the community to help you.

What if something worse happened?

But, recently I wondered about something else… what if I died?

Okay, just bear with me here for a bit…

It would be totally eerie if my blog continues when I am not in this world anymore. But, as I said, I always have content scheduled for future posts and somehow I would want those to go live on the scheduled dates. I would want the world to read the words I have written. However, I would also like a message to be posted on my blog that I have passed away, so my readers know. I would also not want my blog to be taken offline immediately, but would much rather have it run on until the end of the hosting period, whether that (February) is only a month or almost a year away.

Is that strange?

It might be.

Look at it this way: your blog become part of your life’s work and to have it taken offline in a flash seems… sad. Abrupt. Almost mean. As if with the snap of a finger everything you have worked so hard for, is made undone. It’s almost respectless to just make it disappear. I would much rather see my blog changed into a free WordPress site (yes, I know, it won’t even fit one site anymore) than for it to just disappear. I like the idea of my words being on the interwebs for a long time after I am gone.

What about a backup?

Let’s forget about the dark scenario and think about the other one – an illness, accident or something in the family that keeps you away from your blog. Shouldn’t we all have someone in the community who can temporarily take over when we are unable to? Should we even want that?

Writing this, I came to a conclusion: when you are not able to post anything, it is better to let your blog be and return when you can. Why? We all have an unique voice, which is what makes your blog to what it is. If someone else takes over, that unique voice might be gone, unless you have enough content for that person to post while you are away from your blog. If you lose some readers while you don’t post for a while, a certain percentage of them will eventually be back when new posts appear. It might take some time to build up your numbers again, but you will.

So yes, if for a short period I cannot post any content, I might not ask for help on my personal blog, but definitely on Wicked Wednesday and the Smut Marathon. If I cannot post for a longer period, the same applies. And I still stand with what I said, should I escape this world to continue to a next: I would somehow want my blog to live on… but that’s up to the ones who stay behind to decide.

Your thoughts

Of course, this is just me thinking on this subject, and it might be because of everything that happened last year that my thoughts traveled down this road. I would love to know how you think about this and what you (think to) do, if anything, under similar circumstances.

Source image

© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday

12 thoughts on “How and If to Continue

  1. This is a thing for all bloggers: Thank you for writing about it.

    For me, I don’t plan, I don’t schedule, I write when I feel like writing and don’t write when I don’t feel like writing. I do get a little antsy when it feels like I’ve gone ‘too long’, but that’s less about ‘putting content out there’ and more about ‘what’s going on in my head that I’m not writing’.

    Since my blog isn’t a commercial venture I don’t care about numbers (I used to, just because ‘hee!!!’, but it’s been ten years, and I got over it a long time ago), and because it’s so personal, I would never (never never) have someone else try to fill a gap with content if I wanted or needed a break. Readers presumably read it because it’s me, not because ‘content is being produced’.

    Having said all that: If I died, I have no plans in place to tell anyone, to explain, to take my blog down, to tell my Twitter friends, to deal with my Fetlife group, to do something about my books on Amazon, to deal with any of that.

    I don’t have anyone in my close family or friends who knows about any of it, so yeah, I can imagine (at best) having some obfuscated email address in my post-death instructions and asking that someone sends an email to it saying what happened, and it will auto-post on my blog without actually giving them any information. The rest… I dunno. But I should.


  2. Agreed with so many of these thoughts. I kept my sister’s bio up but put up top her death. I have honored her drafts by posting them and revamped some of her old writings with a pairing of a picture (never touching her words) in case the new readers didn’t realize just what a brilliant writer she was.

    For myself, I have questioned the past few months on whether I should continue, and for a couple of months last year and then again this year if I should continue. I’ve gone months without writing any new content.

    I still question it, but I’m getting better and stronger and am dipping into writing more, so perhaps I’ll hang in a bit more. Plus without the supportive community – most especially from you yourself (I say that with all sincerity as you should know how much your comments mean), I don’t know how I would’ve coped with the divorce, move, and immediate death of my sister.

    1. I am so happy that you are continuing the blog and hope you still continue for a very long time. This community is warm and supportive and understanding and I am happy to be part of it. You are a very special person and iI really hope that one day I will meet you for real! ❤

  3. Interesting — !

    I am juggling quite a bit in my life, and when things become overwhelming, I have no problem walking away from my blog. When I need a break, I give myself a break. The longest I’ve gone without posting anything new was a little over three weeks; quantitatively, that brief hiatus had almost zero effect. I’ve gone much longer – when necessary, I’ve chosen to – without commenting/interacting on other blogs. I’m very aware of my own mental well-being, and I alone am responsible for maintaining it. So I gladly unplug and unwind when need be.

    On a “forever” basis though… Yes, I’ve thought about what could happen. No, I don’t have a plan in place for continuance. If I’m incapacitated (or dead), then the blog will live only until the domain expires. After that, it all disappears. I’m okay with that.

    If everything disappeared otherwise, while I’m still alive/healthy, THAT would be a problem. And between arbitrary censorship and undependable ISP/host/net-neutrality these days, that’s a lot more likely – and bothersome -possibility.

  4. As you know, Marie, I have been in this exact situation: when W died, I couldn’t deal with blogging or continuing my presence on the web as Kink&Poly, the blog that was about, and for, in large part, him and our relationship. I couldn’t just delete it though, I did put up a notice, but kept my domain, didn’t destroy any content, and went into seclusion.

    It’s been a tentative road back. I did leave K&P, and all the visibility and readership I had built up over the 7 or 8 years I had blogged there. I asked people to follow me to pieces-of-jade, if they were interested, and eventually began writing again. I’ve continued on, albeit in a different way than I had before.

    I did debate simply NOT writing anymore. But I found my need for this space was too great. So here I am.

  5. This has been on my mind a lot lately as I’ll be starting a job next September that will likely take up 60 hours of my time every week. Like K, I rarely write things ahead of time, which is why when I travel, I just don’t post. I kind of like the idea of allowing my blog to just float away when the time comes, much like I treat possessions and (to be perfectly honest) a lot of people in my life. Thank you for posting this, Marie – it’s good food for thought!

  6. No one knows about “Cara”. The only person who could take over in a sense is Michael as he helped set me site up. I’ve thought on and off about what I’d do, but have come to no firm conclusions.

    While I’ve been blogging a long time, I’m still not up there in visibility so my blog would more than likely fade into obscurity until the domain expired. This makes me a little sad to think about, but I know it’s one of those things that happens.

    In the mean time, I’ll keep blogging. Nothing has come up to keep me away from longer than a week. I can schedule (and should schedule posts), but I do have a number of completed drafts that could go up if I let someone else log in. Something to think about definitely.

  7. I’ve had that exact thought several times. Nobody close to me knows I am even running my blog. It’s a big secret, some kind of life in the twilight zone. What if I die, or get an accident and have to stay in the hospital? How will I be able to notify my readers. Or, what’s worse: at some point my family will get the bill from my hosting party and they will find my blog and probably read it. What kind of revelation would that be?

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