As you know, during the #30DayOrgasmFun challenge I am also trying to get back to the LCHF way of eating. This past week, from Tuesday 3 April to Monday 9 April, I have kept track of my wanking, my orgasms and my food.
I can be very short on the latter. I have really tried. Every morning I had a proper LCHF breakfast and on the days I went to work I also had a proper LCHF lunch. There were days that I even had a proper LCHF dinner, but mostly in the evenings, things went ‘wrong’. It was during this week that I wondered whether I am putting too much pressure on myself. I so desperately want to get back to eating the LCHF way because there are days that I don’t feel that well, but there are days I feel perfect. Yes, I want to lose weight again, but will concentrating on losing weight not let me start to feel bad about myself again and that I start to resent my body again? Will pressuring myself to ‘eat right’ not make me focus on the wrong things again?
And isn’t the thing I am trying to do this month to reconnect my body, mind and soul with each other? I decided that each day I will do my best to ‘eat right’. If I happen to eat the ‘wrong things’ I will just make sure not to eat too much of them, but most importantly, to make a conscious choice before I eat them. I just want to be more aware of what and why I eat.
On the orgasm side it went a bit differently, but in a way the same.
On Tuesday I had quite a busy day with appointments for a massage and at the hairdressers, and also having to log into work because of problems at the office. By the time I left for my last photography lesson, I still had no time to try for an orgasm. I hoped Master T would want to help me with my orgasm, but as you know when you have been reading this blog for longer, I am not one to ask for it. When I came home, all energized by what I have learned, Master T was tired and ready to go to bed. I knew he was not going to be in the mood for any kind of frolics, so I made sure I was in bed before him and used my trusted Womanizer to give me a quick and quiet orgasm. Despite thinking that the orgasm would not be the most successful one, it totally shook my body and left me with a smile on my face and relaxed enough to sleep well.
Wednesday afternoon I went for a shower and my plan was to masturbate then, which I did. I concentrated on pleasuring myself, but didn’t want to concentrate on an orgasm, as I wanted to feel the connection with my body. The orgasm wasn’t important, the connection was. Being aware of my body’s reactions was what I wanted to concentrate on. I enjoyed it. Touching myself. The warm water heated my body as my fingers inflamed my insides. I enjoyed it so much that I kept on rubbing, lifting one leg, then the other, then stretching both legs, changing positions all the time. And then, rather unexpectedly, I had an orgasm. Sort of. Small and almost insignificant, but it was there.
A good thing too, as that evening another unexpected thing happened…
Thursday was a terrible day at work and I came home all stressed and tired and worn out. We went out for a quick dinner but somehow I just couldn’t get rid of the tension in my body, knowing that Friday would be a chaotic day too. I went to bed before Master T. He was still downstairs with our daughter, talking. I decided to get my Womanizer to warm me up, hoping to snuggle up to Master T and maybe, just maybe this time he could help me with my orgasm. When I didn’t hear him come upstairs after about fifteen minutes – in the meantime the toy was humming away between my legs – I realized that it might take much longer before he joins me in bed. I turned the vibrations up a notch, then a bit more and a bit more. A wonderful, strong climax melted all the stress in my body, leaving me tired. I was asleep long before Master T came upstairs.
On Friday I was content to just go to bed, roll over and sleep. You see, I thought about orgasms a lot that day, also about the #30DayOrgasmFun challenge and I realized that what I was doing was to concentrate on the orgasms again and not on connecting. I needed to connect, that’s why I wanted to do the challenge. I have been ‘existing’ for so long, not paying any notice to my body’s needs except when the need was too intense, and then too any wanking was only functional.
Friday night I told myself it was okay if I had no orgasm, and it was. On Saturday I was still in the same frame of mind. Thinking about orgasms, thinking about wanking but not ‘forcing’ myself to find a moment to reach a climax.
We went to bed very late on Saturday night, or rather, very early on Sunday morning. I returned from the bathroom, naked. For months now I have been too cold to sleep naked, but now I wanted to try it again. The moment I walked into the room, Master T turned to me and stretched his arms out to me, at the height of my nipples. I knew exactly what he wanted to do: pinch my nipples. But, I am not yet ready for pain. It needs to be built up gradually, so I walked into his embrace and pushed my body hard against his so he couldn’t reach my nipples. He grabbed my hair and pulled backwards and yes, soon he could reach my nipples. He was still the one who made the decisions, that much was clear.
I pulled away from him and lay down on the bed. His fingers were in me so quick and my first orgasm happened so fast that I barely realized what was happening.
“On your knees,” he said and I turned over.
His fingers found my wetness again and more orgasms follows. Orgasms and hard slaps on my bottom. Slaps that made my skin burn.
He left me there to go to the bathroom, but soon returned and once Master T was in bed next to me, his started fingering me again. I have no idea how many orgasms followed, but when I woke up on Sunday morning, I decided that those orgasms counted for all of the week, because I think it might even have brought the total to ten!
And where I am writing this post on the Monday evening, I can tell you now that there’s an orgasm in my future, once I get to bed!
I am happy with the first week of the challenges I have set myself. Even though the LCHF didn’t work out the way I had it in my head, I do think that I have come to an important realization this week: I should not be too hard on myself.
© Rebel’s Notes
The A to Z Blogging Challenge
The Letter I
In this fifth year of participating in the A to Z Blogging Challenge, I am taking words from my regular post starting with the letter of the day, and looking at the meaning of those words. Today is for words starting with ‘I’ and I have chosen to look at ‘important’, ‘inflamed’ & ‘insignificant’.
If you are an important person, you probably have a high rank or status, or are some kind of known personality. You might replace important with powerful or influential to give it an even stronger feel. When something is important to you, it’s of great value or significance. For instance, my blog is very important to me, which means it is a big part of my life and I work hard to keep it interesting.
When you arouse someone to a high degree of passion or feeling, they feel inflamed. However, it can also mean to set something on fire. I guess when I am filled with passion, I am feeling like my body is on fire, so yes, I am inflamed.
You can see this as the opposite of important. When something is insignificant, it’s not important, of no consequence or distinction.
© Rebel’s Notes