Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (11) – Liberating
She belongs to her lover
through all the strangers
she gave herself to
The first time Master T mentioned that he would love to watch while another man fucked me, I almost panicked. He said it while we were in bed, both horny and it might have been before or after sex. That bit I cannot remember. I hid my panic and for a short moment tried to imagine what it must be like to have another man fuck me while Master T watched. There was no way I could get my head around it. I would just not be able to do it.
Master T expressed this wish of his to me many times over a couple of years, before and after we have made our D/s commitment. Over time I warmed to the idea of being fucked by another. The ‘panic’ I once felt had turned into curiosity. Would I be able to do it? Would I be able to let myself go, to enjoy, to reach an orgasm, when another man fucked me and my husband watched? I went from being confident that I could to totally insecure about even being able to get naked in front of another man.
The first time I was thoroughly fucked by another man was when I had my first erotic massage. In the beginning I kept my eyes on Master T all the time, but soon I was so hot and sweaty and needy that my eyes were closed most of the time, and only opened at times to make eye contact with Master T. I saw approval in his eyes.
Each time after that when I was fucked by another man with Master T watching, like with The Traveler, I saw the same. I knew I was doing him a pleasure because the men were using my body for their pleasure. This is what he wanted. This was his dream and gradually over the years it became my dream too.
I really felt and feel it the same way as O did – when I give myself to ‘strangers’, I belong to my husband. I am his and him allowing other men to fuck me and enjoy what is his, make me even more his. If that even makes sense. It does to me.
There are more men who would like to fuck me and who I would want to be fucked by. Here I think about Mister Silent but also about David, the young man that so clearly lusts after me. I look forward to the moments where I feel a man fucking me deep and hard while I look into my husband’s eyes.
I will see his love.
And I will belong then like I belong now and have belonged in the past.
To be continued… The Story of O (13) – I’ll Do As You Say
© Rebel’s Notes
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