Love, Affection and Sex

Food for Thought Friday was absent for quite some time and I cannot tell you how happy I was when they returned. I cannot promise that I will join in every week, but when I have something to say, there will definitely be a post from me.

This week the question was: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Love and sex; for some the two are inextricably linked, for others they are two separate, although sometimes complimentary, things. Everyone, it seems, has their own view on how much of an overlap there is between the emotional and the physical.

So, this week we are asking:
How essential is love to you in a sexual relationship?
Does love make sex better in any way?
Where sex is more than just something casual (e.g. a one-night stand), is it possible to fully detach the emotional and physical sides of sex?

As you know, when you have been reading this blog for some time, we do have dates with others and then sex is involved. Master T never has sex with anyone else but me, but he will occasionally touch the woman involved, if she allows it. I, however, have sex with the others. Sometimes only with the man, sometimes with the man and the woman and sometimes only with the woman. We don’t always date only with other couples though. Sometimes we date only with one man.

Where Master T can totally detach the emotional and physical sides of sex, I cannot do that. I don’t particularly have to love the person or be in love with him to be able to have sex, but there has to be some kind of spark. Not only friendship, but a deeper feeling. If I think about this ‘deeper feeling’ it might just be that I have to be a wee bit in love with the person, otherwise I cannot have sex with them.

Many years ago, in an abusive relationship, women were invited in and I was told to have sex with them, despite not even having a remote click with them. The abusive man got off watching women have sex and when he sensed that I was not into it but only pretending… well I think you can guess what happened them. I just cannot have sex with someone if I don’t feel at least… something. And once again, not friendship. There must be just a bit more. A deeper click, a fondness… or as I said earlier, maybe it should be described as ‘being in love with’. Those warmer feelings are what get my juices flowing.

(There always seems to be a ‘but’, right?)

Even if I am into someone and a wee bit in love with them, and we do get our thing on and it does turn into sex, it can still go terribly wrong. You see, when I get the feeling that the other person is only into it to humor either me or my husband, it totally cancels out all feelings I might have. I don’t want to feel like an obligation. I want the ‘in love’ feelings to be mutual. I want to feel the emotional connection as much as the physical one.

One of the questions asked was: Does love make sex better in any way?
My answer to this: YES!

I love Master T deeply and I know he loves me too. Our spell of no sex is hard for me, but also for him. He knows I am a very sexual person, but what he also knows is that I am patient. I can wait until he is healed. We are about to go to Eroticon and where in the past we would have tried to organize a sex(y) encounter, this time we don’t. I cannot have sex with someone else if I cannot have sex with Master T. When things are ‘not right’ between us, I don’t want anyone else.

It’s not like I never thing of it… believe me, I do think about sex with Mister Silent, or with Sophia, or with someone who resides in London and who we could have arranged something with while there for Eroticon. But we will not, at my request. Only when things are back on track with Master T and me, will I act on my desire to have sex with others. If I do it before things are back like they used to be, it will mess with my mind far too much. Not having sex with others at this moment is a form of self-protection.

Love is an important factor in everything I do in my life… sometimes even more important than I myself understand, until I start writing about it.

© Rebel’s Notes

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