Hiding Eyes

hiding eyes

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just don’t look into my eyes.”

hiding eyes
Posing for a photo, while hiding the pain in my heart.

I remember the day this photo was taken so clearly. Two weeks after her passing her house was empty, but it would be another three weeks until we had to hand in the keys. Master T and I decided to use the opportunity to take some pictures. I have one or two more to share, but today I wanted to share this one. Back then I was numb with grief and could hardly cry. There were just so much that still had to be arranged. Eventually the tears came, first almost every day, then a couple of times a week and now, six months down the line, I rarely cry, but whenever I speak about my mom or how hard I sometimes find my life at the moment, the tears come. Even writing this here cause tears to burn my eyes. I turn my face away from people. I hide my eyes. I don’t want them to see my pain, because I know only time can heal it.

So yes, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.

Life goes on, and I am concentrating on positive things, concentrating on my goals. Doing things that give me energy. Embarking on new adventures. And all the while, deep inside, I am working through my pain.

One day… one day, I will allow you to look into my eyes again…

© Rebel’s Notes

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