Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (9) – Ownership
You were told yesterday
that during your stay here
you mustn’t look the men in the eyes
or speak to them.
From now on,
the same rule applies to me.
This is what René tells O after she has been in Roissy for some time and when she was almost ready for him to take her home again. She has been trained by the men at Roissy – trained and used. She has been taught to lower her eyes when the men spoke to her, but not up to this point has Ren”e expected this rule to apply to him too.
Back when we started our D/s relationship, this was one of the first rules that Master T had set for me. It was not like I was never allowed to look at him. That would have been awkward since the kids would definitely have noticed and asked questions. No, the rule was that the moment he puts my collar around my neck, I was not to look him in the eyes anymore. My day and sleep collars were excluded from this rule.
Master T told me about this rule just before he put a collar around me for one of our early playdates. It was strange not to be allowed to look at him, but at the same time it had an… almost liberating effect.
You see, I tend to always want everyone involved to have a good time. I always look at the others and if I see anything that look like discomfort, unhappiness or anything that tells me something might be off, I cannot feel at ease. Telling me I am not allowed to look him in the eyes was a masterly move from Master T, even though I don’t think he knew back then what effect it would have on me. Taking away my right to look at him, was almost the same as blindfolding me. It forced me to rely om other senses, but in a way it also forced me to focus on myself. It helped me to focus on what Master T did to me – the teasing, the pain, the pleasure.
I sometimes forgot about the rule and looked at him when I had my collar on. He punished me for that. Sometimes with a spanking, sometimes by withholding my orgasms or letting me go to work without underwear.
As I grew in my submission, not looking at Master T when I have my collar on became second nature. I still have moments when I forget about the rule, but those moments are few and far between. My submission is present always, but with a collar around my neck and this ‘don’t look me in the eyes’ rule in place, it immediately reminds me who sets the pace, who decides what I do and to who I belong.
To be continued… The Story of O (11) – Liberating
© Rebel’s Notes
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