Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (8) – Giving & Wanting
Offering her to another man
was proof that he owned her.
In the past post I talked about how Master T gives me to others and how it’s almost like he takes me back again at the end of such a date, by telling me to get on my knees and suck him to an orgasm. I don’t think that this is Master T’s way of thinking, that he’s reclaiming me as his. It’s my way of thinking, the way I feel it: he confirms his ownership.
There is no doubt in my mind that Master T owns me.
He owns my body, my sex, my orgasms, but he doesn’t own my will. I am a strong woman, fully capable of my own decisions. I run a department at work, where I am in charge of five others and ultimately responsible for all administrative work – from the start of an order up to where we get the money from the customer and everything in between. Of course, I don’t do all the work myself, but I have to report back about it on a regular basis. In my family life I am strong too. I have always been a strict parent, but always with room for fun too. My children knew and know this. Since mom had been diagnosed with lung cancer I took charge. I managed all her appointments, took her to every appointment, wrote down everything the doctors said and I went to chemo treatments with her. I coordinated visits to her and made sure mom got the rest she needed. At the same time I tried to manage things at home and for as long as I could, also at home. And… I managed four blogs in between all of this.
I am quite strong-willed, but not when it comes to my sexual side. Then I gladly leave it to Master T to decide. I know what I want, but I don’t know how to take charge of it. I never did, and at times when I had no lead to follow, I made the wrong choices. I love being owned by Master T. I love that he is the one who decides about my body and decides who gets to fuck me and who not. His ownership has brought me rest and has given me room for other things.
One can only give that which one owns.
Being his, being owned by Master T, allowing him to make the decisions when it comes to sex has brought so much peace in my life. It has fulfilled a side of me I only knew existed when he unlocked the door to it. I never realized that I was submissive. I never questioned why I always tried to fit the mold of the man in my life and why in the end the relationships failed. It was only when Master T and I had many discussions about this that I slowly started to learn more about myself.
Our D/s commitment was something we naturally evolved into. For me it was like coming home.
Does it make sense when I say that it’s because I know Master T owns me that I can enjoy being with others?
I think it does…
To be continued… The Story of O (10) – Eyes
© Rebel’s Notes
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