Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (7) – Obey
O felt soiled and guilty
of the illicit pleasure
she’d had in a stranger’s arms.
But her lover explained
that the more he gave her,
the more he wanted her.
I touched on this in the previous part of this series, that Master T gives me to others to play with and that he doesn’t only expect me to obey, but he also expects me to enjoy. I remember the first time we had a date with another man and how awkward it felt that Master T only watched and allowed this other man to touch me, kiss me and fuck me.
Like O, I felt guilty.
Guilty because I enjoyed it.
Guilty because I gave my body.
Guilty because I had many orgasms.
Even though I saw the approval in Master T’s eyes and I knew I was pleasing him by enjoying it, by giving myself, by having my orgasms… even so I felt guilty. It felt like I was not supposed to do what I was doing. It wasn’t right. I am married to Master T and shouldn’t enjoy the hands of another man on my body and even long for him to fuck me.
This was in the beginning of our explorations with other people. I don’t feel like this anymore. I know I am making Master T proud when he sees others enjoying my body. He loves to see how others fuck me, how they indulge in the pleasure they can get from my body. He knows I am enjoying it too, but the thing he knows the most is that I belong to him. I will always go home with him. I will never belong to another the way I belong to him. Yes, I might be fond of others and I might even be a bit in love with others, but I will never love them the way I do Master T.
I believe all of this – Master T giving me to others – make him want me more. It’s become part of his attraction for me. This doesn’t mean that when we stop doing this he would love me less. This has just been our fantasy for so long – maybe at first more his than mine, as I had to get used to the idea – and living this fantasy over and over again just brings us closer. Sometimes after someone else had fucked me I am quiet and want to go to sleep. Other times I am hyperactive and want to talk about it or am in a silly mood because I enjoyed it so much. No matter what mood I am in, Master T is okay with it.
Oh, and you know what I really like?
When we have a date with someone else, no matter how long such a session lasts, the last thing that will happen is that I suck Master T to an orgasm. This just seems right, almost as if he reclaims me as his and confirms that he can give away and take me back again.
To be continued… The Story of O (9) – Ownership
© Rebel’s Notes
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