Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (4) – Tears
This scene in Histoire d’O follows on the previous one about tears, but it is so striking in itself that I had to include it, even though it has no dialog. O is to submit herself to the men at Roissy, because René wants it, but also because she wants it. She’s pushed to her knees and the hands of several men touch her body in different places, and then she’s fucked.
It’s the part before she’s fucked that speaks to me the most. It taps into one of my deepest fantasies and desires: to be used. To be the object of other’s desire. To be on my knees, naked and not to have a say on what happens. To feel hands all over my body. Touching me. Feeling me. Pushing inside me. Exciting me. No. Exciting themselves. Using my body to feed their excitement.
What is it about this that speaks to my submissive side? Why do this intrigue me so much?
I have never tried to put this into words, but let me try…
I think it has something to do with the fact that I never take the lead in anything sexual. I cannot say what I like and what I don’t like. It’s not because I don’t know, but because I just cannot say the words. When I sit here, thinking about it, I might be able to tell you and hell, this blog is filled with things I like and don’t like. But if I sit across from you or even when I have a one on one digital chat with you and you tell me what I like or what I want you to do to me, I just cannot find the words. It’s like my brain shuts down and I cannot think.
What I want is for YOU to decide what you want to do to me. I want you to take the lead, to follow your desire and to use me to fulfill your fantasy. I want to feel your hands on my body. I don’t want to have any say in what happens. I want to be pushed to my knees – like O has been pushed to her knees in the movie – and I want to feel your eyes and your hands on my body, on my intimate parts. I want you to use my body to fulfill your needs, whether your need is to just look at me or to fuck me.
I look at the image again and I imagine myself on my knees and the hands of several men on my body. Just the thought of that makes me go wet.
To be continued… The Story of O (6) – Sweet Terror
© Rebel’s Notes
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