Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (1) – Introduction
The movie, The Story of O, starts where O and Rene get into a car and he asks her to take off her underwear – garter belt and knickers. He gives her garters to keep her stockings up around her legs. O keeps on looking in the mirror to check whether the driver gives them any attention and probably because she feels a bit self-conscious, she crosses her legs.
This is what Rene then says:
“Never cross your legs or keep your knees together.”
I think it has been about three years ago, maybe a bit less or a bit more, that Master T one day told me that I am not allowed to cross my legs anymore. I still remember the day very clearly. He sat in his recliner and I sat across from him on the couch. Normally I don’t sit there, but I was wearing a nice dress and no underwear and I had already lifted my dress to show him. I sat down on the couch, as anyone who happened to pass by in the street might see me. I tend to try and avoid that. As I sat down, I crossed my legs.
For a couple of moments Master T said nothing. Then he spoke: “Spread your legs.”
I spread my legs a bit.
“Properly, I want to see your cunt.”
I spread my legs a bit more.
I spread my legs as far as I could.
“Now that’s what I want to see. A beautiful sight.”
Again it was quiet for a while before Master T spoke again.
“You are never to cross your legs again.”
It wasn’t easy. In the beginning I frequently forgot that I wasn’t supposed to cross my legs, and Master T had to correct me. Or, when I was at the office, I sometimes only realized after a couple of minutes that my legs were crossed. I always confessed to Master T and I had been punished for it on several occasions.
I don’t mind not being allowed to cross my legs ever again, but that doesn’t mean I never do. When my mom ended up in hospital and I sat next to her bed for hours, I crossed my legs many times because of the uncomfortable chairs and it relieved my back a bit when I crossed my legs. Relieved my back? Yes. You see, I am not very tall and chairs tend to be just a centimeter or two too high for me. Sitting with my feet next to each other on the floor, tends to strain my lower back and crossing my legs relieves the strain. Master T said nothing about it – not in the beginning that was. He understood even without me explaining it, but after about a month, there was a gentle reminder that I should stop crossing my legs again. I stopped. Even at times I really wanted to cross my legs, I didn’t. When I thought about doing it, I thought about Master T, thought about the commitment we made and I didn’t cross my legs.
What’s in it for me to not cross my legs? Why do I obey Master T in this? It’s definitely not because it’s actually quite healthy not to cross your legs. It’s about control. About feeling his control, even when we are not sitting together. It’s about obeying, whether we are together or not. It’s about belonging. About being his. His to direct. His to own. His to obey.
You know, it will be very easy to cross my legs when Master T is not around and to never tell him about it. But I just cannot do it. I have made a commitment. To only follow his rules when it suits me just doesn’t feel right. It would totally devalue what we have. It’s not always easy, but no one said it would be. I believe if you’ve made the commitment, you should stick to it.
The above scene from ‘The Story of O’ reminded me of that sense of belonging by following this rule. It feels more natural not to cross my legs, and even though there is a general opinion that crossing your legs is ‘ladylike’, I now prefer not to have my legs crossed. However, I do cross my ankles, and that’s allowed.
To be continued… The Story of O (3) – Always There
© Rebel’s Notes