The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday is:
Do you do sexual things in your relationship just for your partner that you don’t like doing? Are you always the one trying to keep your friends or family happy? Are you a people-pleaser?
I won’t even go into how I was a people-pleaser, doing everything to keep friends and family happy and getting no help at all when I needed it. That’s a thing of the past – I’m not that kind of people-pleaser anymore. At first I was going to write an entire post on just that, but then I thought about a conversation I had with Master T after our most recent lunch date.
In a recent blog post, I wrote the following:
When I was a child – I think these fantasies started around the same time as my sexual awakening – I imagined myself in a hospital bed. I was told to keep my arms to my side, above the covers, while ‘things’ were being done to me. Those ‘things’ got more and more complex as I grew up, and the covers disappeared. If someone asks me what I want them to do to me, I cannot tell them. The moment I have to answer the question, I cannot think of anything. You see, I have this other twist in my personality where if something is done to me because I have said I liked it, I’m afraid it only happens because I have said that I like it and that the person doing it to me might not like it too. Complicated? Yes, I know.
Ever since that post I have thought about this a lot. I want to be used. Master T had said for many years that he wanted to watch while others use me, but I never thought of it in that way. I wanted to enjoy it too. I wanted to have just as much fun and satisfaction as Master T and the man or men joining us. Everyone had to enjoy. But, where does my pleasure come from?
If someone asks me what I like, I cannot tell them. I have been asked this before and I referred them to my blog. Or to Master T. I cannot bring under words what I like.
Are you joining us on a date?
Please don’t ask me what I like, especially not if we already have a date planned. I don’t want to tell you. I might mention it in passing, but if you ask me, I draw a blank. I will not be able to tell you what I like. And, if I tell you what I like and you do to me what I have told you, it is not about your enjoyment anymore, but about mine. That’s exactly what I don’t want. What I want is for you to look at me and know what you want to do to me. I want you to look at my tits, think about how you want to pinch or suck my nipples and do it. You should fuck my cunt because that’s what you want. Slap my ass because you have the desire to do so. Push your cock in my mouth because you want to feel me suck it.
Use my body for your pleasure.
That’s where my joy comes from: knowing you are doing to me what YOU want to do and not considering what I have told you I like.
Master T sometimes uses the words: “She’s available in all openings.”
That’s an invitation to use me. That’s what I want. I want to undergo. I want to experience. I want to be used. That’s the way I like to please.
But, there’s another question above to consider: Do you do sexual things in your relationship just for your partner that you don’t like doing?
No. Never. I don’t do it for Master T and I won’t do it for anyone else either. My boundaries have changed over the years. I have learned a lot about myself, have dared to do more, but I still have my boundaries and I want them to be respected. Master T knows what they are and will never expect me to do things I don’t want to do. No needles, no excrement, no mutilation, no borrowing me to someone else without him being present. We are not limited in our possibilities, though.
From very early in our relationship, especially once we started the D/s part of it, Master T had said that he wanted to see other men fucking me. The thought appealed to me, but I said I couldn’t do it. It just didn’t feel right, but when he asked my reasons, I couldn’t tell him. He allowed me to grow to the point where I wanted it as much as he did. There are other things that came about in the same way, for instance my piercings. He plants a seed and allows me to think about it. He would never tell me to do anything I don’t want to.
Being used by others – that’s a kink of both of us. He loves to watch and document it; I love to undergo. That’s a lovely way to please others: to give my body for their enjoyment.
Please you to please me…
© Rebel’s Notes