Enduring Pain

Looking back on 2016 and specifically the kink part of it, we have kept a low profile with regards to meetings and kink between us. The first months of the year had me recovering from the whooping cough that kept me home for the last six weeks of 2015. By the time I was more or less healed and ready for some kink again, Master T started having problems with his prosthesis. We had a window of about two months in which we could pick up the active kink side of our relationship again, and we did. We had a date with The Talker and we went away for a weekend with Sophia and her lover.

Our sex life continued the way it always did and that also involved the occasional pinching of my nipples and the rule that I should always ask permission to climax. I still slept with my night collar every night. Our D/s was still present, but burning low due to outside factors.

It is only now that things are more or less starting to get back to ‘normal’, which means that we are starting to build up things that we have ‘neglected’. One of the first things that Master T required me to do was to wear my plug every day, starting with an hour or two in the evenings until he decides that I should wear it for longer or wear it outside the house. Pain has been re-introduced too, but I noticed that I can handle far less than I could before. Up to now Master T has only started to pinch my nipples again but I moan a lot quicker than I used to do, and where in the past pinching my nipples could lead to an orgasm, that’s not happening at the moment.

The idea of him using a flogger or the cane on my bottom scares me. I believe that things need to be built up gradually again. Like a dominant I frequently exchange mails with once said:

I think it’s beautiful when a sub/slave can push her boundaries, but I also think that she needs to be exposed to pain regularly to be able to do that.

I totally believe this is true.

I can push my boundaries and accept the pain in my nipples, as long as it’s build up over a period of a couple of weeks, like Master T had done it before.

I can handle being flogged, but I think I will want it to stop much sooner than Master T would want to stop, simply because I am not used to it anymore.

And the cane? At this moment the idea of feeling the cane on my bottom scares the hell out of me. I have this intense desire to be able to handle the cane, to handle it even better than I did before I got sick last year. I want to be able to handle ‘six of the best’ but just thinking about that now makes me shiver. I believe I have said it before in a different blog post, but what I would like is to have five strikes of the cane – five every hour. Starting out ‘gentle’ and building it up. Making me get used to the pain. Helping me to push my boundaries. Allowing my body to accept the pain and process it.

Yes, I believe if a sub is regularly exposed to pain, she is able to push her boundaries. I want to push my boundaries. I want to be able to handle pain again the way I could a year ago. We are starting to build things up again. Our D/s is still very much alive, but it was ‘resting’ while we dealt with life. Pain will soon be something I welcome with open arms again, something I will long for when I don’t have it and want to stop when I do.

And the moment it stops?

I long for it again…

© Rebel’s Notes

6 thoughts on “Enduring Pain

  1. This is something I struggle with too. We don’t get to play often enough simply because life, the universe and everything gets in the way!

    When we do play my pain tolerance isn’t what is should be, I’m a total wuss anyway, so I’m often left feeling like the worlds worst sub!

    1. Reading Sub-bee’s comment as a Dom I wonder what we can do to help our subs to not compare yourselves to your past self.

      I enjoy pushing my sub’s limits, but I also understand that sometimes she might not tolerate as much pain for whatever reason. I suppose I just need to make sure that is communicated. As long as she explores those limits and stays present, I’m happy.

  2. Our playtime has also been sparse this year. It’s good to read a reminder that some extra warm up is going to be needed during our next playtime.

  3. This! Totally this. My long distance and rare time with my man has a huge impact on what I can take. I crave more but it scares me sometimes. I need time and exposure for my own processing. I need repeated sessions to get past the hyper-vigilance that stress and events has made my default setting at the mo. I want a couple of days of build up, but we rarely get more than a few hours.

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