Why do you define yourself as submissive? Try to steer away from ‘I like to serve’ and see what other things you have to offer.
The above is one of those questions I have saved to answer at a later stage, and then I read one of Rye’s blog posts which instantly triggered me to think of my own situation. I quote from her post:
The one thing that really shocked me was how much of a submissive I really am.
I guess I had an idea that I was only submissive because of Sir.
Now let’s see whether I can rationalize my thoughts over here; whether I can put it down in a way that not only you, but I understand it too.
When I read the first quoted sentence of Rye, I found myself nodding, because sometimes still, my own submissiveness surprises me. The second sentence, however, had me shaking my head, because I know that I am not only submissive because of Master T. At the moment that this thought consciously entered my mind, I almost gasped with a horrifying realization. Because of my natural submissive nature, I could have placed myself in terrifying situations in the past.
Maybe I did.
One particular night comes to mind: a night where I subjected myself to the will of a man even though I didn’t want to, but I allowed him to fuck me for his own pleasure.
Another one: being in a relationship with a married couple and allowing him to do to me whatever he wanted, to control me even though I never consented to it.
I can recall a couple more, but the bottom line is that I have always taken the lead from the man I was with at the moment. I have always looked up to men, even when they didn’t deserve it. In all my relationships before the one I had with Master T, I always tried to be the woman they expected me to be. But even so, the longer a relationship lasted, the unhappier I became. It was only when my second marriage failed and I was certain I never wanted to be in a long-term relationship again, that I didn’t care what men thought of me. It was only then that I always was myself… and then I met Master T. He immediately recognized my submissive nature, long before I knew what it was called and long before I recognized it in myself. You see, I have always been so busy trying to survive and raise my kids by myself, that I never had the time to try and understand my own needs and wants.
This is pure speculation, but if I had learned about my submission before I met Master T, if I had tried to get into a D/s relationship, I might have submitted myself in a way that could have harmed me more than anything had before. I am thankful to have Master T as my protector, as the one who watches over me and my well-being always. You see, even though I am a much stronger woman than I was before, I still am a woman who easily submits. I will never submit to someone I don’t like or don’t have a click with, but sometimes those are not the things to go by, because even if I like someone and I do have a click with him, it might not be the right person to submit to.
I hope that makes sense…
So, why do I define as submissive?
Because it’s part of my nature. It’s inherent to my personality. I look back on my life and I clearly see all the moments where I have unknowingly submitted to a man, and even allowed them to hurt me. And then I don’t mean in a good way. Some of those experiences have scarred me for life (literally) and others have made me into the woman I am now. I firmly believe that had both Master T and I not gone through the experiences we had before we met each other, we might not have ended up loving each other as much as we do.
© Rebel’s Notes