Many of you who have been reading my blog for some time might have noticed that I blog a lot less about our D/s relationship than I have in the past. There’s a reason for that and there’s a post in my head about it. I am just waiting for the right words and the right moment to write and post it.
Something that was very much a part of our D/s relationship, especially in the beginning, was tasks. Tasks could have been as simple as Master T telling me to wear my plug for 2 hours on a Sunday or as complex as some of the multi-day tasks he has given me, like finding 10 household implements to fuck myself with for ten consecutive days.
Master T has a specific outlook on tasks. He doesn’t want them to be simple tasks, but want them to be simple and original. I don’t mind what tasks I get, as long as I get a task to keep me focused. That was the way I always looked at it, and at a stage I found myself craving for tasks. You see, when we made the D/s commitment, we were actually already in a D/s relationship without ‘knowing’ it. Once we made the commitment, things were new and we wanted to try everything out. Master T read a lot about it and so did I. I went into something that you call a ‘sub frenzy’ and maybe Master T even went into a ‘Dom frenzy’, but he will deny it if I asked him. No matter what, I craved tasks and therefore suggested that we find me a task master. Someone who will be allowed to frequently give me tasks. Unfortunately only one person responded, and I just didn’t feel a click with him. So, we declared that idea failed. Deep down I still hope to find a task master, but I don’t know if anyone are dedicated enough to give me tasks and at the same time will be able to respect that there is a fine balance between giving me tasks and living my busy life as it is.
Why do I want tasks? Why do they work for me?
I want tasks because it keeps me focused. They work for me because they keep me focused. Tasks ignite my submission or let me slip deeper into submission. Knowing I am doing it for him and that I am making him proud is one of the reasons why I want tasks. Another reason is that I seem to have some kind of block in me to take initiative. I always have a ‘wait-and-see’ approach when it comes to sexual things, which means that if I’m not tasked to do something, it won’t happen. I won’t initiate it. I won’t ask for permission to masturbate but I will masturbate if he orders me to. I won’t insert my plug on my own initiative, but I will rush upstairs when he tells me to plug myself. I need to be told what to do.
Maybe you wonder how performing tasks set by a task master makes me feel more submissive to Master T? I will never perform a task for another man without Master T’s approval. This doesn’t mean that a man (or woman) can approach me and task me and then I will ask Master T for permission. No, it means the person approaches Master T first and they discuss the limits. Only when I know Master T has given permission will I perform the tasks. Even though the tasks are set by someone else, I know that I am doing it because Master T wants it and I am making him proud, hence the reason it satisfies my submissive side. One of the men that has permanent permission to task me, is The Traveler. He is a very busy man and has given me some tasks in the past, but that’s quite some time ago.
Sometimes I crave tasks. I want to do what I am told. I want to make Master T proud. If someone else tasks me, I want to make them proud. I want to make myself proud. It’s just the way I am… I need to be told what I should do. I cannot do sexual things on own initiative. If I do that, I feel guilty… tell me what to do, please?
© Rebel’s Notes
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