Inspired Aspirations

I tend to save things I want to write about to my Scrivener. This is one of those things I have saved:

I wondered: how many of these mothers, so clean on the outside, preferred their sex dirty? Who craved spankings, who loved to cuff her husband to the bed post? Who begged for anal sex, who’d had threesomes, who stashed an arsenal of sex toys high atop her closet shelf? Who walked down the street with ben wa balls in her vagina, per her husband’s command, or orgasmed when her thighs rubbed against her clitoral hood bar? And for the women whose taste for sexual adventure runs high — do their preferences sully their value as mothers?
From: Can A Woman Be A Good Mother And Write A Sex Blog? By Erica Jagger 


With my book available around the world now, I have been thinking about the discussions we’ve had with regards to family – especially the kids – finding my book. Some years ago we told them about my blog, but never gave them the address or my pseudonym. We do the same with people who we see on a regular basis. The know about it, but they don’t know specific details. The same with my book – they know it has been published, but they have no idea what the name of the book is or yet again, what the author name is.

In the week that my book appeared, we had a conversation with the teen, a conversation that was repeated with the oldest some days later. We told them that if people would search online for my author name, they would come across this blog and that then they will read more if my erotic fiction, but also about our personal lives and they would see revealing images. We stressed the fact that I have been a mom to them for much more years than I have been writing about sex, and that even while I was a mom to them, I have been writing about sex. For them to possibly discover my website now, should not mean that all of a sudden I am a ‘bad mom’. I am still the same person I always was and the only thing that would have changed is that they then know a bit more about me. And, if they don’t want to know it, they could just click the little ‘x’ at the top right hand (left hand for Mac I have been told) of their screens.

Can A Woman Be A Good Mother And Write A Sex Blog? is what Erica Jagger asked and my answer to that is ‘yes’. Let’s change some of the words: Can a woman be a good mother and write a food blog? Can a woman be a good mother and buy sex toys? Can a woman be a good mother and have sex with her husband? Can a woman be a good mother and have desires and wishes of her own? Yes, yes, yes, because we are all people with a million facets that make us to the person we are. Being a good mother has nothing to do with writing a sex blog.

I could have had a food blog and no one would have frowned on that. Through a food blog I could have helped people with information on what to eat when they have a fructose intolerance (something I suffer from). I could have given people information about typical Dutch or South African food. I could have helped people in different ways. Instead of doing that with a food blog, I am using a sex blog. By telling about our experiences in an honest and open way, I am helping people. This is not just something I am saying, but something that I have been told by different people on different occasions. That is what I aspire: to inspire other people to explore their sex lives, to be willing to talk about it openly, whether with their partner or with friends. To open up the communication about sexuality. To take away the ‘shame’ of desiring something different than what is ‘expected’ of us.


I believe that everyone I have ever spoken to – whether colleagues, friends, family… everyone – has some kind of kink. It might be one small thing or it might be several things. We all have things we like differently from someone else and what one of them like, might not be something I like. But that’s okay. That’s part of my message to the outside world (and to my children) too: I respect your life, your desires, your opinions, and all I respect I return is to do the same for me. The fact that there’s a book out there that I have written and the fact that I have this explicit blog do not change the person I am. I am who I am and all of this was part of me for many years before I started this blog.

I will always aspire to inspire…

© Rebel’s Notes

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