For this year’s A-Z Challenge I decided to focus on things that I have come across during our 5 years of active kink, and share my experiences and things I have learned, my opinion or things I am curious about. In each post I am using an image that has been used on my blog before, with a link to the original post.
Continued from… X is for the All Things X
I’ve said yes when Master T asked me to marry him and I said yes again on the day we got married. Then, I said yes when we made the commitment to be in a D/s relationship. It took me quite some time to say yes when Master T told me about his fantasies to allow other people into our relationship, specifically men or women who want to use me; who want to have sex with me. I have said yes several times since, after we have met people in real life and I felt an attraction to them.
During our sessions I say yes a lot too. When Master T checks on me if I am still okay, I say yes. When he asks me if I am his slut, I say yes.
Would I have said yes if I didn’t trust him?
Next year I turn 50. If I want to be morbid, I could say that I have already lived half my life. But, I am an optimist, and I don’t like thinking or talking about death, no matter how inevitable it is. I prefer to live for today, to more or less plan for tomorrow and to remember that everything I have experienced in the past, in all those years of hardship, I have grown to who I am today. Even though I still have bad days, I am proud of who I am, proud of what I have reached, and I am finally living those dreams I have had all those years. Dreams about writing, dreams about sex, dreams about being loved, dreams about being accepted. I am happy.
I am the property of Master T. I have made a commitment to him. I submit to him. I am his. And he is the only one whom I will speak the words to: I am yours.
Yes, we have dates with others and I have sex with those people, but even so, I am not theirs. I will never tell any of them that I belong to them, because in my heart I belong to only one person: Master T. If anyone would claim me, or even only try to claim me, we will never have a date with that person again. I hate to be claimed. Not even Master T claims me, so why would I allow another to claim me. The fact that Master T tells me that I am his and only his, can be seen as him claiming me, but I don’t see it that way. You see, he says that, but at the same time I have freedom within our relationship. Freedom within the boundaries he has set for me, because I need those boundaries. I need to know what the rules are. And because I do, I feel free, I am happy to stand on my knees in front of him and say: “I am yours.”
To be continued… Z is for Zipper & More
© Rebel’s Notes