For this year’s A-Z Challenge I decided to focus on things that I have come across during our 5 years of active kink, and share my experiences and things I have learned, my opinion or things I am curious about. In each post I am using an image that has been used on my blog before, with a link to the original post.
Continued from… R is for Rough Sex & More
Master T is a sadist. He literally once told me: “I like to hurt you.”
During a session he has absolutely no sympathy for me. If he wants to hurt me, he does. Not even my tears will move him to stop. In fact, he looks at my tears and tell me: “That’s what I like to see.”
No matter how much of a sadist he is, he is very concerned about my well-being. He gives me the proper aftercare, wiping my tears and hugging me, letting me drift off to sleep in his arms. He’s the sadist, I’m the masochist. We are two sides of the same coin.
Like any other couple engaged in a kink relationship, we have a safeword. There are people who have decided on a specific word, but if I have to use something like ‘mushroom’ or ‘baboon’ or ‘cauliflower’ during a session, I would probably burst out in laughter. This in no way means that I am making fun of the safewords of other people, but says more about how I am and how my mind works. Because of this we have decided to keep it simple and therefore we use the stoplight method, where red means stop, yellow means I cannot take that much more and green means I am okay, please carry on.
Just for the record: Up to now, I have never used my safeword or even remotely felt the need to use it.
Remember that I mentioned the speculum when I spoke about medical play? The speculum is one thing I have always been curious about, but I was too shy to tell Master T about it. Then one day, we were both scrolling through the same website and I finally gathered the courage to tell him about my fascination with the speculum. Can you imagine my surprise when he told me that he had already ordered it? I have many times before said that he knows me better than I know myself, and even without me telling him, he knew I wanted to experience the speculum.
We have used it a couple of times and all of those times I came to a point where I indicated that he should stop, that the pain was enough. Then he started frigging my clitoris while my cunt was a gaping hole and brought me to some of my most intense orgasms. You know, sometimes I wish I could be in two places at once, because I love to experience those orgasms, but I would also love to look at myself opened up like that.
Submission has always been part of my life. I think I was born with the gene, but maybe it’s nurture and not nature that can be ‘blamed’ for my submissive nature? No matter what it is, for as long as I can remember, I have been submissive. Sometimes I gave my submission to the wrong person, and sometimes to the right one but had it trampled on. Fact is, the very first time I consciously gave my submission to someone was when Master T and I started our D/s relationship. Before that I didn’t even know that I was submitting to the person in my life. It was just something that I naturally did and back then I described it as ‘changing myself to what he wants me to be’ and it always turned sour after some years, because I ‘stood up for myself’ and walked out of the relationship. Of course this is not how it always worked out, but mostly it did. Looking back on all previous relationships, I can now see how submissive I was, without knowing it myself. Submission is part of who I am; is one of the ingredients that make me.
Over his knees. My bottom exposed. The cool of his hand on my warm skin. The first slap. It stings. Another slap. More sting. Slap, slap, slap in quick succession. I tense my muscles. I try to get away from the hurt without moving. Slap. Slap. Slap. Over and over again. Soon my muscles relax. I feel myself drifting off into another dimension. I still feel the sting, but it’s different. I surrender to the pain, to his hand, to him.
To be continued… T Is for Talking & More
© Rebel’s Notes