Q is for Questions

For this year’s A-Z Challenge I decided to focus on things that I have come across during our 5 years of active kink, and share my experiences and things I have learned, my opinion or things I am curious about. In each post I am using an image that has been used on my blog before, with a link to the original post.

Continued from… P is for Pain & More



Back when I discovered that there’s a huge BDSM community out there, both online and in the real world, I had a million questions. Like I said under the heading ‘Obedience’, I never stop to question things, so I actually never questioned the feelings I had. In fact, I never thought about how I felt, what I preferred. I just accepted it as part of me.

It was only when Master T and I decided to have a D/s commitment inside our marriage that I started to look for answers. What are these feelings inside me? What should I do about them? More important: what should I do? How should I do it? Yes, I looked for the ‘right way’ to do things and gradually discovered that there is no right or wrong to how a couple should live their kink relationship (of course there are things that are wrong, for instance abuse). I found my answers on the internet, but mostly through conversations with Master T. You see, he wasn’t going to follow any kind of ‘guide to BDSM’. He read a lot about dominance and submission and anything that can happen in such a relationship and early in the relationship he decided we will do things our way.

I still had questions and I still wanted more information (not answers) but I was done with thinking that we were doing it wrong. We started our own journey and we are still on that journey.


Are you at the beginning of your own journey into kink, and do you have any questions or things you want more information about? There’s a lot to be found on the internet, but finding the information can be quite stressful. My advice would be to follow some blogs that are about BDSM, or people living in a BDSM relationship, such as Molly & Michael. They have a brilliant new website called, This D/s Life and if you have any questions, they are more than willing to answer it.

Another way for you to learn more about yourself is to join in with 30 Days of Submission or 30 Days of Kink. Both of these have turned up in my search terms a lot in the past month. I think someone else is busy answering the 30 questions in each of the lists. If you want to see my answer to the questions, click the buttons to the right.

And remember, I am always willing to answer your questions too!

To be continued… R is for Rough Sex & More

© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday
Sexy Searching

7 thoughts on “Q is for Questions

  1. BDSM and kink, or whatever anyone wants to call it, is as individual as the people themselves who enter into it. Provided everyone involved is able and willing to provide consent there is no reason not to explore and find you and your partner’s own way on the journey.

    Great post as always Marie.

    Velvet x

  2. I’ve done the 30 days of kink, it’s just about finding the time to post the darn things. I think that finding answers to questions is excellent, as long as people realize to take all others’ experiences and wisdom with a grain of salt and to personalize that information into their own unique relationship

  3. I love that you say you are still on your own journey . . . but yes as well to always asking questions. We all learn from our own experiences along the way, but also discovering new experiences from the journey of others!!!
    Xxx – K

  4. Yes, I agree with Debbie, the quantity and quality of information is so much better now compared to a few years ago (thank you shades of… grey wasn’t it?), and if I compare it to my younger days without the internet…. Well, it’s a miracle we all turned out so well the way we did.

    There is no right or wrong way, the only wrong way is not to ask when you should. And thanks to you Rebel, people have again good sites where they can find information or just plainly ask. Because I think everyone in this community is willing to share his or her experience.

    Wonderful post,

    1. Everyone indeed is willing to share and help and that is a good thing.

  5. I don’t think there’s any one right or wrong way – it’s about what works for you and your partner. I think it’s great that it is a lot less taboo these days and there is information available if people want to do a bit of research before jumping in

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