D is for D/s & More

For this year’s A-Z Challenge I decided to focus on things that I have come across during our 5 years of active kink, and share my experiences and things I have learned, my opinion or things I am curious about. In each post I am using an image that has been used on my blog before, with a link to the original post.

Continued from… C is for Consent & More


D/s = Dominant/submissive
M/s = Master/Slave
Dd/Bg = Daddy Dom/baby girl

It doesn’t matter what your dynamic is, whether you are in a D/s, M/s, Dd/Bg or any other kind of power exchange relationship. The bottom line is that you have agreed that (consented to) one of you ‘calling the shots’ and the other one ‘following orders’. For this paragraph I will stick with D/s.
There are many facets to a D/s relationship and no two of these relationships are the same. It’s up to the partners to discuss what works for them and what not. There just is no right and no wrong way, as long as both partners agree. Books will give you the basics, living it will give you the experience and guidance to what you like and don’t like. Keep on communicating with each other, even if you feel you have the perfect D/s relationship.


I have touched on this in the previous paragraph. The dominant in the D/s relationship is the one ‘calling the shots’. He does exactly what has been agreed upon: he sets the rules, he cares for the submissive, he’s the one in control (within the boundaries that have been discussed). He has a responsibility for the submissive, not only physically but mentally too. Just as the submissive has a commitment to the dominant, the dominant has a commitment to the submissive. It’s a two-way street and, in my opinion, when things are not consented to, but forced, it’s abuse.


So many things in power exchange relationships revolve around discipline. Making a commitment is one thing, but actually living it the way in which it has been agreed upon, is another. It all boils down to discipline. There are some submissives who love to test their limits, who loves to challenge their dominants over and over again. I am not like that. I prefer to do what I have been told, to be obedient. I love rules. I love doing what he expects of me. I love discipline. It makes me feel safe.

When I have not followed his rules or haven’t performed a task the way I should, the way he wanted me to, I want to be disciplined. There is no greater disappointment than when I am not reprimanded if I have done something that Master T is not happy with. I haven’t been disciplined a lot in the past, because I prefer to follow the rules that he has set out for me.

To be continued… E is for Exhibitionism & More

© Rebel’s Notes


8 thoughts on “D is for D/s & More

  1. I’m the s in my D/s relationships although there are many who have tried to make me the D. They don’t understand that you don’t just choose, it is inherently a part of who you are. What we do choose whether we explore those dominant or submissive tendencies or not.

  2. My ex and I were into D/s (I was the Domme!), and he frequently tried to get me to think up punishments for him and ways to dominate him. He wasn’t very consistent in his submission, though, since he often said he didn’t like a certain punishment, or would never do that.

  3. As an erotic author who is not personally a part of a D/s or any type of BDSM relationship, your definitions and personal experience have helped me understand your world immensely. I think there is a lot of misconception from individuals who don’t realize the incredibly high level of trust and committment that is involved with this type of relationship. It should be an inspiration to everyone, and it certainly sounds like you and Master T have a more loving an devoted, caring relationship with each other – even if you mix some punishment and pain with your pleasure – than a lot of “Vanilla” couples do.

    Thank you for sharing!

    1. I am glad to be able to help you understand a BDSM relationship more through reading about my personal experiences. It almost feels like I have reached a goal 🙂

  4. I always pay attention to if my Wanita stays within our limits. She is very, very disappointed if she stepped over a line and I didn’t notice. That is why we don’t have too many rules. Too many rules cannot be upheld in daily life with a small house and a almost adult teen in the house. Play must be play and not one big series of punishment.

    But if needed, punishment really means punishment.

    Nice post, as ever,

    1. We also know how difficult it is to uphold rules with kids in the house. Things will be so much different when only the two of us remain.

  5. Clearly the words of a couple that understands the correct way of having a D/s relationship. Very cool to read.

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