When I met Master T, I was just out of a marriage and planning never ever, yes, NEVER EVER, to commit myself to marriage again. I decided that I wanted to be single and be able to do whatever I want. And believe me, I did. Before I met him and after. I used to chat on MSN Messenger and I made dates with guys, regardless of the fact whether they were married or not. I was having ME time. It was all about MY pleasure, and of course, because I enjoyed it, the men did too. They kept on coming back, the handful of men I dated with, so I guess I must have done something good. One of those men, The Traveler, is still in my life today and we still have dates with him, although much time passes between our dates.
To get back to the beginning… when I met Master T, neither of us were ready for a new relationship. Master T told me to just have fun, no matter what ‘fun’ meant, but to always tell him everything. I did. I had two dates with The Traveler and both times I told Master T all about it. In fact, the second time I even drove to Master T after my date with The Traveler. I had other dates too and some of those men took photos of me. Master T still has those photos and he loves to look at them.
We eventually became closer, started a relationship, moved in together and got married. I cannot remember when it began, but Master T started telling me that he would love to see other men fucking me. It took a couple of years for me to get used to this idea. The idea intrigued me, and if I’m really honest about it, I wanted it too, but it went totally against the way I was brought up and the way I always thought it should be between a husband and a wife. Once we made our D/s commitment, Master T made sure he frequently told me that he wanted to give me to other men to use. He wanted me to be obedient. To do what he says I should do. Without hesitation. Just to do it.
We stepped outside our safe circle and started getting to know people. Soon we learned just how difficult it was to set up meetings. We prefer to see whether there’s a click online and then a first date follows. This first date is to see whether it clicks in real life too. If it does, a playdate follows. And another, and another, and another, into infinity. Both Master T and I prefer longterm connections. We don’t want to be exclusive to one couple or one man/woman, but we also don’t want to jump from the one couple/ma/woman to the other. The ideal situation is to have a small circle of sexy friends for sexy fun. That way we can have frequent dates even though everyone has busy lives.
That’s the ideal situation…
It proves to be very difficult to maintain that circle of friends, and frankly, it’s not for lack of trying on our end. Master T and I really want longterm connections and when we like people, we really do a lot to maintain the friendship/relationship we build up with those connections. Our experience is that months can go by without any date, without any sexy fun with others. We want to change this, but we cannot (and will not!) force people to make a date with us, or new people to have interest in us.
It makes me sad when we drift apart from people we like. Master T is different. He’s rational about it. I’ve cried in his arms many times when something ended or seemed to end. I cannot engage in sexy times with people if I am not fond of them. It’s not only about the click in the first meeting, but I tend to get fond of the people we engage with and when things seem to end, it saddens me, sometimes to tears. Tears of sadness and sometimes tears of anger. Anger directed at myself because I am sad. It’s complicated. I have difficulty explaining it. If I don’t cry those tears, I can’t take a step back and try to be rational about it, like Master T. Still, even if I decide to take that step back, I keep on hoping.
That said, I look back at playdates that we’ve had with a smile. I have learned so much, experienced so much. I take the good with me and push away the thoughts that I am not good enough (anymore). I tell myself that life changes, that even though we are in it for the long run, that might not be what others want. I just have to accept that.
Then something happened…
2016 will be a year of new adventures, new people, new stories to be written. In next posts I will first introduce Major Eric and then The Talker to you. Both of them have not featured on this blog ever before. I am excited about these new adventures. Excited to get to know these new people, to have fun with them. And of course, to have sex with them. There are good times ahead. I look forward to those.
But… even though I am excited about the new adventures with new players, I still hope that people we’ve had fun with in the past, will be part of our 2016 fun too!
© Rebel’s Notes