Small Wonders

On a morning in November I sat in front of the mirror, allowing the morning light to wash over my naked body. I looked at my reflection and thought: your boobies are small. At the moment this thought crossed my mind, many others came flooding in. One of those were that I want to share this for Jane’s Little Doves project.

Just days before this morning in front of the mirror I have placed a post about the fact that I have gained weight and the reasons why. One of the effects of gaining weight is that my breast are larger than they ever were, but they are still small. You see, that is what I realized when I sat there looking at my reflection. Even though I have gained weight, it didn’t mean that I have big breasts. In relation to the rest of my body, my breasts are still small. I sort of snorted when this thought struck me and whispered to myself: did you really think that gaining weight will make breasts larger? It reminded me of my struggle to find a new bra. Actually, it reminded me of many struggles to find bras in different periods of my life.

Back when I was a teenager, I barely had any breasts. I was a gymnast and did wear bras but I could just as well have gone without them as I had to have a AA cup. That wasn’t always easy to find and definitely not the prettiest bras around. I frequently looked longingly at bras for bigger cup sizes. The beautiful lace and frills and cups were much nicer than the simple and practical 70AA bras I could wear. I remember as a teenager I was ashamed of saying it, but not anymore: in the AA cups there were even some room left, as my breasts couldn’t fill them completely.

Many women’s breasts change with pregnancy, but with my first pregnancy they stayed exactly the same. I swear, they were still almost flat and by the time my daughter was born, I couldn’t breastfeed her because I had no milk. Zero. Granted, I was only 16, but still you would’ve thought that my body would adjust for me to feed my child. It didn’t. With my second pregnancy it was different. My boobs got bigger and damn, I was SO proud of them! I breastfed for only two days and then slowly my breast started getting smaller again. Not as small as they were, but still small as I could no barely fill an A-cup. But, I was happy. I have progressed from AA to A!

Some year later, due to hormonal problems, I gained quite a lot of weight which helped me into a B-cup. There was no time to be happy about this, as I was too focused on losing weight. I got back to a A-cup, almost back to a AA-cup as I was severely underweight at one stage. I slowly gained weight again, and a bit more, and a bit more, and a bit more and then finally my body seemed to settle down. I was too big for a A-cup and almost too small for a B-cup, but wearing a push up bra with a B-cup did the trick. I finally had a lovely cleavage and was incredibly proud of it. By now I wore a 85B.

Then I gained weight again…

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My small wonders, my breasts… even though they are not as small at this moment, they can still not be called big. Technically.
(click to enlarge)

About two months ago I knew I would have to get a new bra. My bras were hurting me and I had red lines under my breasts when I took them off. I went to the store where I always buy my bras and I kid you not, even though the lady really did her best to help me, I went back FOUR times to exchange the bra that I had bought for a different one. You see, I was measured and it was decided that I had to ‘upgrade’ to a 90B. I wanted a push up bra again, but the friendly lady told me that a 90B bra doesn’t come in the push up version. Needless to say, my breasts looked like shit in the new bras. So I went back to exchange it, got a new one, went back, new one, went back… and settled for the fifth one she suggested because there simply was nothing else I could try. I tried. I really, really tried to wear the new bra, but I quit. I now wear a very old 85B push up bra that is still a bit comfortable and hope that soon I can wear my favorite push up bra again, when I have lost some weight.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish my breasts were just one cup size bigger, but then again, I remind myself that I really like the pleasure my breasts and my nipples have brought me up to now, and that I don’t really mind that they are small. I’m actually quite happy with these small wonders of mine…

© Rebel’s Notes

Little Doves

7 thoughts on “Small Wonders

  1. Oh, I loved reading this. So much of what you wrote resonated with me – with the changes in your body being reflected and underscored by your breasts (which as *beautiful*). Thank you so much for writing this, Rebel. As positive as I’ve become about my own small breasts, I still have quite a few moments where I compare mine unfavorably to other women. I have to remember the pleasure they give me, and how beautiful they make me feel, rather than how big they aren’t and will likely never be. Just a wonderful post.
    M xoxo

  2. Isn’t it just human nature to often want the opposite of what we have. I still have feelings of envy from time-to-time when i see others cleavage and shapely curves. And when I was much . . . much . . . younger I was actually quite obsessive about wishing mine were bigger. Though they did fill-out a little after two children, I eventually came to accept that we are who we are. And we should all be happy with that . . . and the fact that there will always be someone, somewhere, who will be happy to see us sharing them. And I’m certainly always happy seeing yours!!!
    Xxx – K

  3. Oh, Marie. Your breasts look so, so beautiful in that picture. And what a brilliant companion piece; I love how you’ve talked about changes in size over time (my little assets got even smaller and smaller after feeding my two babies) but also your description of what it’s like to bra shop for smaller boobs; I nearly always find the latter a nightmare and tend to hang on to the few bras that actually fit me until they’re practically falling apart at the seams. In fact, I once put up with a poking out underwire on a push-up bra for close to a year because I couldn’t find a suitable replacement! :-/

    Thank you so much for joining in with Little Doves – this is a magnificent addition to the meme.


  4. I love your writing. I can relate to just about everything you said, except for size. Your breasts are beautiful. When I look at them, I don’t think about size. I see boobs, funny how my mind works. lol. A beautiful female body, a radiant and confident woman.

    Your writing really does speak to me. Ya know, stuff that I seldom read in other female blogs. It’s the personal, everyday stuff…love it and you’re an inspiration for me when it comes to my writing and photos.

  5. It’s funny how many of us a rarely happy with what we have. It can take time to learn to accept and love ourselves. I hated having boobs when I was a teen. I was too embarrassed to ever get measured properly and my bras never fitted right. But even with measuring the sizes are still all over the place! And I really want to find something pretty that’s not underwired, not padded (I hardly need it) and not lined – but the last time I went looking that was all there was in my size, or they were just ugly.
    But boobs should be celebrated whatever the size and yours are gorgeous! (and mine are too)

  6. Aren’t boobs the most wonderful things yet also the most annoying at times! I’ve never been able to get a bra that fits perfectly and I’m very wary of being measured again. The first time the assistant humiliated me for the size, or should I say lack of size, of my boobs. A couple of years ago I took my partner with me because I needed his support (no pun intended) in case something similar happened again. It didn’t but the bra sizes she suggested gave me no support whatsoever, each style seemed to need a different size bra which is ridiculous, in some I was an A cup and some I was allegedly a C cup but each one could still easily be stuffed with socks to help me fill them!

  7. First of all I think your breast are lovely. One of the girls I had gone out with a few years back was like a 30AA, she was ashamed to take off her bra, even while we were making love. One day I just took matters into my own hands and ripped the thing in half. I started sucking her nipples and within a matter of minutes she was having a major orgasm. I was not in her I was just sucking on her nipples. I thought she was always hot and was great in bed, but since the time I took her bra off. She became hotter than ever. Unfortnately she had to go back up north or we would still be going out…..

    You even said your nipples have given you pleasure throughout the years. It is not the size that counts, it is how you feel about yourself and my dear I would suck on your tits and whatever else you wanted.

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