The Menopause Diaries #4: Orgasms and Libido

I have started this meme with the hope that other women would share their stories too. Two other women have shared posts, one of them Understanding Flutterby and most recently cherrytartblog shared too. This last post is inspiration for this post.

I quote from cherrytartblog’s post:

The big issue I’m having with it all is orgasms – or lack of them. I’ve never had a problem making myself come (although only one man was ever able to do it) but over the last couple of years it got more and more difficult to have an orgasm. I’m now at the stage where I don’t even try any more. After a long dry spell I’m now in a relationship and the sex is great, I have no issues with my libido or dryness thankfully but I still haven’t been able to have what I would call a proper orgasm – one of those cunt pulsating, full body, OH MY GOD! FUCK! YES! orgasms that I miss.


This paragraph had me thinking of my own situation. No, I don’t have problems having orgasms. I do have them, but I don’t nearly crave them as much as I did before. I guess this can be classified as the symptom ‘loss of libido’ and you know what? This is another symptom I hate. I sit here, during any given time of the day and I think about my sex life and how much different it is from a year ago, and how I would like to change that.

A year ago I got edgy and bitchy if I went without an orgasm for one day.

Now I easily go without orgasms for a week, sometimes a week and a half and I don’t worry about it.

A year ago I thought about sex all of the time the entire day.

Now I still think about sex, but not nearly as frequently as I did.

A year ago I touched myself in the car, in the bathrooms, damn, sometimes even behind my desk at work and definitely every night when I went to bed, waiting for Master T to come to bed too.

Now I think about all those things but never do anything about it. Yes, I sometimes still touch myself, but I don’t crave the orgasms the way I did a year ago.

Where in the world has my desire to have orgasms disappeared to?

Actually, an even more important question is: how in the world do I change this? Should I just ride this wave? Accept that it is what it is and that it will pass? That I will get some form of my libido back when my body get used to the symptoms or I find the right HRT therapy? Then again, will it pass? Will I get my libido back? Will I think about sex all day every day again? Should I do something to change it? Maybe I should force myself to have frequent orgasms, so I can stay ‘in practice’? Maybe I should ask Master T to task me with orgasms, for the same reason? Or will ‘forcing myself’ have the opposite effect and make me move even further away from orgasm, make me want them less? What if I start to resent having an orgasm because I am forcing my body against the natural course it is taking?

I am still in the phase where I am asking myself question. I have always believed in the natural way, but in this case I’m afraid that if I let it run the natural way, some things might be lost forever.

Thinking of those glorious nights that we have sex, I know my body responds to touch. It responds like it always did. I get wet. I crave orgasms, I have orgasms. I crave penetration, whether by finger, toy or him. I am penetrated and I orgasm not once, but over and over again. I squirt. I enjoy. I fuck and I am fucked. I am sated afterwards and that sated feeling can last me a week, sometimes more. All the other nights in between I just want to sleep. They say the average number of times Dutch people have sex per week is once. There was a time when our average was at least four times a week, but sadly now we match the average of the country. I want this to change, but again, I don’t know if I should force this change.

For the time being, while I think this over and eventually discuss it with Master T (I always have to think things over in my own mind and find the right words before I can discuss it), I will just let nature takes its course and enjoy the once-a-week sex we have. At least with this we match the average of the country. Apparently the score the Dutch give the sex they have a 5.9 – well, I give mine at least an 8, because damn, whenever we have sex, it’s hot and oh so fucking satisfying!

© Rebel’s Notes

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The Menopause Diaries