Orgasms and Libido

I have started this meme with the hope that other women would share their stories too. Two other women have shared posts, one of them Understanding Flutterby and most recently cherrytartblog shared too. This last post is inspiration for this post.

I quote from cherrytartblog’s post:

The big issue I’m having with it all is orgasms – or lack of them. I’ve never had a problem making myself come (although only one man was ever able to do it) but over the last couple of years it got more and more difficult to have an orgasm. I’m now at the stage where I don’t even try any more. After a long dry spell I’m now in a relationship and the sex is great, I have no issues with my libido or dryness thankfully but I still haven’t been able to have what I would call a proper orgasm – one of those cunt pulsating, full body, OH MY GOD! FUCK! YES! orgasms that I miss.

This paragraph had me thinking of my own situation. No, I don’t have problems having orgasms. I do have them, but I don’t nearly crave them as much as I did before. I guess this can be classified as the symptom ‘loss of libido’ and you know what? This is another symptom I hate. I sit here, during any given time of the day and I think about my sex life and how much different it is from a year ago, and how I would like to change that.

A year ago I got edgy and bitchy if I went without an orgasm for one day.

Now I easily go without orgasms for a week, sometimes a week and a half and I don’t worry about it.

A year ago I thought about sex all of the time the entire day.

Now I still think about sex, but not nearly as frequently as I did.

A year ago I touched myself in the car, in the bathrooms, damn, sometimes even behind my desk at work and definitely every night when I went to bed, waiting for Master T to come to bed too.

Now I think about all those things but never do anything about it. Yes, I sometimes still touch myself, but I don’t crave the orgasms the way I did a year ago.

Where in the world has my desire to have orgasms disappeared to?

Actually, an even more important question is: how in the world do I change this? Should I just ride this wave? Accept that it is what it is and that it will pass? That I will get some form of my libido back when my body get used to the symptoms or I find the right HRT therapy? Then again, will it pass? Will I get my libido back? Will I think about sex all day every day again? Should I do something to change it? Maybe I should force myself to have frequent orgasms, so I can stay ‘in practice’? Maybe I should ask Master T to task me with orgasms, for the same reason? Or will ‘forcing myself’ have the opposite effect and make me move even further away from orgasm, make me want them less? What if I start to resent having an orgasm because I am forcing my body against the natural course it is taking?

I am still in the phase where I am asking myself question. I have always believed in the natural way, but in this case I’m afraid that if I let it run the natural way, some things might be lost forever.

Thinking of those glorious nights that we have sex, I know my body responds to touch. It responds like it always did. I get wet. I crave orgasms, I have orgasms. I crave penetration, whether by finger, toy or him. I am penetrated and I orgasm not once, but over and over again. I squirt. I enjoy. I fuck and I am fucked. I am sated afterwards and that sated feeling can last me a week, sometimes more. All the other nights in between I just want to sleep. They say the average number of times Dutch people have sex per week is once. There was a time when our average was at least four times a week, but sadly now we match the average of the country. I want this to change, but again, I don’t know if I should force this change.

For the time being, while I think this over and eventually discuss it with Master T (I always have to think things over in my own mind and find the right words before I can discuss it), I will just let nature takes its course and enjoy the once-a-week sex we have. At least with this we match the average of the country. Apparently the score the Dutch give the sex they have a 5.9 – well, I give mine at least an 8, because damn, whenever we have sex, it’s hot and oh so fucking satisfying!

© Rebel’s Notes

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The Menopause Diaries

4 thoughts on “Orgasms and Libido

  1. The menopause is the one thing about ageing that scares me… this is the first of your themed and memed posts I can read as fear prevented me before…
    My mum has HRT, and she is like the woman she always was, but she went through a phase without it and she was a completely different woman, she stereotypically discovered cardigans… maybe I should just banish cardigans from my life? ?
    I am not afraid of Alzheimer’s, most of my elder family have it, on all sides, I don’t doubt it will come my way, it’s inevitable, just like the moenopause is… but I’ve just got my sexuality back, my desire, my passion, and well fuck it, I am scared to loose it, more than loosing my mind, which is odd as well coz my job is as an academic and I define myself so closely with that role, but nope it’s my desire that I am a scared of losing through biology…
    none of this helps you, sorry, but thank you, for overcoming fear,
    maybe my fear is because the bdsm community, or in fact any part of society, doesn’t seem to talk about it? maybe because in a way society is still scared of female sexuality really despite what we claim… you probably talked about that in the other menopause tagged posts and I should probably read them too….
    thank you for sharing and reminding me not to take anyone of my orgasms for granted
    humbly twigs

    1. My main goal with this series is to make it a subject that we are not ashamed to discuss, because it is part of our lives. Thank you for this comment, which perfectly ties in with the next post I had planned for this series 🙂
      And… thank you for reading!

  2. I wish I could have inspired you about something nicer 🙂
    This is not a nice place to be. Before I met Sir my interest in sex had dropped to almost nothing and for me that’s not normal. Even when I wasn’t seeing anyone I’d still get horny most days and need to masturbate. But those days grew fewer and fewer until, like you, I still thought about it but didn’t do anything.
    When I decided to start dating again it was more to find adult male company, someone to hold me. Obviously I also wanted to find someone to have sex with but I wasn’t looking for a live-in lover (not that I have that anyway) It was just a case of missing the way I felt when I was with someone else, I was lonely. I would have settled for meeting up with someone once a month.
    I try to see the menopause in a positive way – starting the next stage of my life, no more contraception, hopefully an end to the hormonal fluctuations that have always made my life shit. But I do worry about losing the desire. What if one morning I wake up and don’t even want him?
    Long may you have orgasms and hopefully things will improve for us.

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