Exposed! My Mom Knows!

At the moment that I write this, it has been a few weeks since my mom told me that she has discovered my pseudonym. But that’s not all she told me. She has known for three years! She just never said anything, because she respected the fact that I want to keep it away from the family, that I didn’t want the kids to know, or her.

On the day she told me she knew, I was open towards her about my writing group (company) and I think that triggered her to confide in me me that she knows. She knows my alter ego is Marie Rebelle. So many questions ran through my mind at that moment. I asked her whether she liked my pseudonym and she said that it fits, especially the ‘Rebelle’ part. She thought Marie was pronounced ‘Mary’ but when I explained to her where it comes from, she realized she had the pronunciation wrong. And once she knew where it came from, she thought my pseudonym to be even more fitting.

There was one crucial question I wanted to ask and on the drive back home, I finally asked it: “Have you visited my blog?”
She said she hasn’t and I told her just not to, as it goes further than she might want to see or know.

On the day I heard she knows, almost all I could think about was that she never said anything. It amazed me, but it also gave me the feeling that she understood my need for keeping that part of my life away from the family. That she respected the fact that I never told her under which name I write. I have suspected for quite some time that she knows, as back when we went to Eroticon for the first time, she accidentally mentioned the name of the conference, even though I never told her the name. And, this is exactly where she discovered my pseudonym: on the Eroticon site.

The next day, the questions started.

Will this change the way I talk to my mom about my blog and my writing?

Will my mom really not visit my blog? Or maybe she already saw it but didn’t want to mention it because of the way I asked my question?

If she has seen my blog, this means she knows about our D/s relationship and me being fucked by others. How do I feel about that?

If she hasn’t seen my blog, what guarantee do I have that she will never visit it?

There were more similar questions running through my mind, but it stopped after a day or two. If I really had been worried about all these things, and more, those questions would have stayed in my head for months, possibly forever. And I might not have been able to be with my mom without thinking of her knowing my alter ego.

20150405-005wm submission book
I don’t have to hide my pseudonym from my mom anymore
(click to enlarge)

But I am not worried. When we started off on this journey, we discussed what would happen if my alter ego was ‘discovered’. We decided that whoever discovers it, might have been deliberately looking for it, which seems to be the case for my mom. After Eroticon 2013 she went back to the Eroticon site and after reading and clicking, she found my pseudonym. Which again makes me think she has been on my site, maybe only once. If my mom goes back to read my site and she knows about the way I live my life, it’s her choice. I cannot stop her from doing it.

You see, I know my mom has lived quite an ‘interesting’ life too and to repeat her own words: she has done things that others would not approve of. She grew up in a time where so many things were wrong and frowned up. She was just way ahead of her time. I tend to think that, even though nowadays she’s not interested in sex at all, she will be okay with the way I live my life, because it might be similar to the way she wanted to live her life too, or maybe lived it for a short period.

I know my mom is proud of me being published. She even told a colleague of hers that I write erotica when I was published for the first time. Maybe this was the reason why she went out looking for my pseudonym. I don’t know. I know however that knowing my mom knows doesn’t make me feel negative or afraid to carry on with this blog and my writing group. If she disapproved, she would have told me even before she discovered my pseudonym.

You know, I’m damn proud to say: I have a very cool mom!

© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday

This post links to the A to Z Blogging Challenge 2015
M = Mom


This post has been chosen as one of the top 3 for the May 2015 edition of Elust.

20 thoughts on “Exposed! My Mom Knows!

  1. I’m sure that if your mum did visit your blog that she would be proud of the way you live your life and share through your writing. Everything you do is with love, kindness and integrity, regardless of the topic! How can a mum not be proud of that? x x

    1. Oh N, this comment brought tears to my eyes. Yes, my mom would’ve been proud. I remember when my book was published, that even though she couldn’t tell anyone the title (she didn’t have it), she did tell everyone I am a published author. She was always supportive xox

  2. Ack! That whole “being discovered” thing has me nervous! I think it is awesome your mom was so cool about it. I think I would die if my mom found out. She knows I write erotica, though she’s never read any of it. I’m not so sure I’d be upset about her reading my writing, but her seeing my photos, knowing what I publish for the world to see, all the little details of my sordid life? Nope. Cool or not, I’d not want her involved. I think it’s amazing she’s so thoughtful of your privacy…and that even if she has seen your site, she’s not letting on. Any of us who choose to publish have to know that being exposed is always possible. I have a few friends who know about my site, but they never say anything. And I have a counselor who knows. There are enough people that one slip of a tongue could leave me discovered. And in such a small town, with such a “public” career, it would be a bit devastating. I try not to think about it.

  3. My mother knows I’m kinky. I don’t know what I’d do if she ever stumbled across my blog. I don’t know if she’d even say anything about it. She’s never really said anything about the sex toys she’s found beyond noting that she’d already seen them when I tell her to stop rooting through my drawers.

    If I ever manage to finish my book and get it published, if she reads it, she’ll certainly know more about kink than she probably wanted to. Of course, I don’t even know if she’ll read that, because I write fantasy and that’s not a genre she reads.

    I will say, it’s easier now that she knows I’m kinky. I feel less compelled to hide my activity in my local scene or hedge about trips and such I take with people from my community.

  4. This makes me very happy, Marie! It’s wonderful when family approves. I have a mother who absolutely approves (she was a bit of a wild child growing up, but she’s also a wonderful illustrator of nudes, so to her, erotica is a no brainer) and a father and sister who despise it. Kind of an interesting dichotomy, but it’s always good to have someone who supports and respects it. I’m so happy you have a supportive mum! XX

  5. I poked my head in here after seeing the post on eLust. So glad I did! I told my mom I was poly when my ex-husband and I split up, and it was the best thing I ever did. As for the link part? ? No. But that’s because kink is about sex for me, and this not something odd choose to discuss with my parents, and poly is about love, something we talk about a lot.

    I’m so happy that your mom is as accepting a she is. I am sure this week give your relationship added depth and connection, as it did mine.

  6. It’s great that she just let things be and accepted your writing. I have a lot of friends who know and have seen my blog site but I’ve not told any family of my pseudonym or what my blog site is. It doesn’t matter what my kinks are or what I write about, not to them. My Mom has an idea of what I write as she’s seen some of my research books and such at times she’s stayed here. I’m sure she would be fine with it as she has told me some stories of her own sexual adventures, but on some level I know I would hear about how I shouldn’t put myself out there so openly to the world. That’s ok. We are similar in many ways, we just come from different generations.


  7. Wow! That’s funny that she knew for three years without saying anything. I’m sure sometime you’ll have to talk about the whole works with her in depth. You also put yourself out there more in pictures than we do, but that’s your decision, and I’m fine with it. My kids, and Jolynn’s 89 year old mom know all about us, and the blog, and books and the are totally fine with it.

    My older son’s dad flipped his shit over at our house one day since I told him Jolynn wrote a book about our relationship and it’s out there to everyone on Amazon. He was gay in the 80’s and still is, but he is a huge prude and a pain in my ass about it. My older kid is 30 already and is in the lifestyle and helped built our dungeon. I’m sure his dad would just shit himself over that. He fusses that my kid is kinky! Grrrr!

    Good thing you have a nice mom that loves you.

  8. How awesome that she seems so supportive, and you do have a cool mom.
    If our mom were alive, she would proud of us. She even wrote a bit of erotica, though more on the romantic/sensual side.
    I’m so glad that you aren’t concerned and managed to push aside the questions.

  9. I am so pleased to read that your mum was accepting of your situation and how you wish to live your life. I believe that should my mum find out that she may not wholly approve but that she would support me in my life choices as she has been fantastic so far with some of the crazy vanilla things that I have gotten up to so far!

    I hope that this “exposure” enables you and your mum to have an even more open and honest relationship about all things in life!

    Velvet x

  10. My mum recently discovered my pseudonym, I have no idea if she will start searching it to investigate my alternative life, I hope not because, unlike your mum, she will definitely have something to say about it!
    It’s awesome you have such a cool mum!

  11. I’m glad that even thought she isn’t jumping up and down in support of you, she obviously respects your choices. I would hope if my mother ever discovered my and Sir’s D/s relationship, that she would react the same way.

  12. Wow Marie!
    No one in my family, except the OH knows I blog or write erotica and also don’t know about my Twitter ac. I’m not ashamed of my lifestyle but I simply don’t think they need to know what happens behind my closed doors. I don’t think they could handle it!
    I’m glad you have a cool Mom… She has a very cool daughter!
    Great post!
    Kat x

  13. Ooohh . . . I suppose my mother knowing would be a bit worrying for me. But, as in your case, I’d like to think that she would be accepting (even if it might take awhile).
    After all . . . at our age (LOL!!!) . . . we should be able to be comfortable with who we are, where we have been, and all the things (family and friends) that have influenced our journey.
    So well done you . . . and I am sure that your mother feels she has a very cool daughter!
    Xxx – K

  14. I’m guessing your mom might be around my age… I’m 64 and a submissive. If she is, she might not be uninterested in sex as you believe or she wants you to think.

    I’ve discovered I have a much higher sex drive now than when I was younger. Maybe she sought out your site because she is more interested in this lifestyle than she has let anyone know or even admit to herself. I came into it very late in life, although my desires for it has been there for at least 30 years, possibly since I was a child.

    Perhaps now that she knows and that you know she knows, you are someone she can talk to about it.

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