In Hindsight

Life Changing Event Ahead Road SignIn hindsight… reconsidering the past with the knowledge one now has.

I think it’s a natural process to look back on one’s life and think about things that we would have done differently. We all do it. Some of us do it with every life event we ever had. Life events are those things that changed your life in one way or the other, such as going to school or getting married or the birth of a child or the passing of a parent. Looking back on life events and knowing what we know now, we re-think our decisions of back then and think how we could have done it differently.

I am no different; I do it too.

I think of falling pregnant at the age of 16. Deliberately. Looking back on how radically my life changed at that moment, and knowing what I know now, I should have done it differently. I should not have panicked about school, but should have asked for help. Maybe then I wouldn’t have thought a pregnancy was the solution for my problem. But then, when I think about this, I always come to the same conclusion: if I did things different back then, I would not have had my wonderful daughter today.

Then there’s my two previous marriages. Oh, how I wish I could wipe those away. But, have I not married my first husband, my son would not have been born, and have I not married the second, I would not have… no, that piece of information I will keep for myself. He definitely helped me with another life event, but for the rest – in hindsight – he attributed little to my life. Oh, I was definitely in love with both of these men when I married them and I was definitely planning to spend the rest of my life with them, but things went sour quite quickly. I was married with the first one for just over 2 years and with the second for just under 4 years. In hindsight I know that both of those men have helped to show me what I don’t want in life, what I don’t want in a man. Both of them taught me something about myself.

In hindsight I wish that I had met Master T when I was much younger and I wish that we both were the biological parents of our three kids, but I know full well that had we known each other way back, when we were 16 and 18, we might not have felt the love for each other that we do now. We first had to go through our own hardships to be able to appreciate each other the way we did when we got to know each other 12.5 years ago.

Of course when looking back on the things I have done in my life, I also think of this blog and my writers group. I think about all the lovely people we have met because of me starting the blog, starting the writers group. We didn’t only meet people in the Netherlands, but also in England. We haven’t met only Dutch or English people, but also some lovely Canadians and Americans. We were not the traveling kind of people or even liked to go out a lot, but by meeting all these lovely people we suddenly have a very busy social life. I would not want to change it for the world. I cannot imagine not having all these lovely people in my life anymore and enjoying so much fun times with Master T.

Life is good and looking back is good too, but I believe that whatever happens to us, forms us for the future. Whatever happens to us, gives us the means to handle things that happens in the future. Yes, we can think about the past, we can think about how we would have done it differently, but we should never regret the things we have done, as at the moment we did it, we believed it was the best to do. Thinking and planning for the future is good too, but the most important thing is to live today and be thankful for what you have. I sure am!

Carpe Diem!

© Rebel’s Notes

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