Please note: In no way has this piece been written to offend anyone, put them in a negative light or hurt them, but only to convey my own thoughts and feelings.
We had another date set up with Master B for early this year, but due to circumstances the date never happened. For the date I had some exercises I had to practice, and I was going to have to perform them for Master T and Master B, and there was a possibility that two more (sub) men would be present. When the date did not happen I also stopped with the exercises, but I never forgot the sequence of it, as I practiced daily for about a month.
Then, a new date was set…
Out of the blue I received a message from Master B that he had permission from Master T to task me in the two weeks before our upcoming date. He wanted to teach me not to wait until something sexy happened, but for me to take initiative. We got off to a very rocky start, because the tone he used in his emails totally upset me. It triggered incredibly negative feelings in me and where I executed the tasks, I also cried and battled with a headache for days. Granted, the headache was started by the humid weather, but the negative feelings definitely aggravated it. I had to discuss this with Master T and actually didn’t even want the date to happen anymore. I was just too upset. But, Master T told me to tell Master B how his mails made me feel. It took a couple of days for me to make clear to Master B that the way he was talking to me raised a yellow flag. Then his tone changed and all that remained was that sometimes tasks were given that I had to do at times that seemed almost impossible to me, but I did them.
Some tasks that I had were:
- to sit on a towel with my bare ass and drive to work;
- to masturbate, rubbing my clit, for 4 minutes and not climax;
- to suck my glass dildo for 5 minutes and send photographic evidence;
- to send a photo of my wet and spread cunt;
- to fuck myself with my glass dildo and to climax;
All of the above made me doubt myself a lot. How could I, a sub, not listen to what I am told to do? I wanted to be challenged, right? I wanted to have tasks that weren’t easy. I wanted to feel control, to be controlled. Master T gave Master B permission to give me tasks, to prepare me for the date, but there I was, fighting it so incredibly hard. This was not our first date with Master B, but the previous date focused more on an erotic massage than on dominance. But, there was something missing. Something didn’t feel right. I wanted to submit, wanted to do the tasks, because Master T expected it of me, but I couldn’t. It took me a couple of days to figure it out. Days on which I shed quite an amount of tears and dreaded receiving mail from Master B.
Once I had it figured out for myself, I discuss it with Master T and He allowed me to discuss it with Master B. What I missed the most is that Master B had no idea what my situation at work and home looked like. When I received tasks telling me to do something NOW I take it seriously and want to execute it immediately, but mostly wasn’t possible, which made me feel like I failed the task even before it started. I explained that it would have been better if Master B had first checked with me what my working and home environment looked like. Secondly, and maybe even more important than the first one mentioned, Master B had no idea what my limits were and neither did he check my safeword with me. It was terrible moments for me when I had to mention this to him. I felt very un-sub-like, but knew it had to be done. Thirdly, I did not want him to try and change me into something I cannot be. I have never been able to take the initiative in a sexual situation and I do not believe that giving me tasks will change that.
Main thing that I realized is that I definitely don’t want a second Master/Dom. I am devoted to Master T. I love to receive the occasional task from a Master/Dom whom Master T had given permission to task me, but when the frequency of the tasks is too high or I get the same task over and over again, it calls up negative reactions in me.
I discussed it with Master B and he understood. I knew he would. We discussed my safeword, my limits and the frequency of tasks he set me. But, we had one more thing to discuss… the exercises I had to do as preparation for the date.
To be continued… Triple Dominance: To be judged
© Rebel’s Notes